How NOT to Help a New Mother!

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC

You'll find some constructive ways to help a new mom here!

A few days ago I was helping a new mother nurse her baby as she recounted how a friend had come by her house while she was still in the hospital and "cleaned up." She expressed her aggravation that her friend had moved important papers, misplaced things she needed, and totally rearranged stacks of baby clothes that she had carefully organized. She never asked her friend to clean up for her; in fact, if her friend had simply taken a moment to ask if it was all right to straighten up, the new mother would have said, "No, thank you."

She isn't the only ANM mother who has experienced the frustration of "Help" that causes problems.  One mother said,  " I had a friend come and help clean up my house right after my baby was born and 'file away' in the closet the only card I had with the pediatrician's phone number. I went into hyper panic mode when I went to find it and couldn't."


Another mother relates what happened to her this way:  "When our son arrived at not quite 38 weeks, we were in the middle of cleaning and organizing so hubby's  family came to 'help' while we were in the hospital. Yeah, the living room, kitchen and bedrooms were 'clear' but no one dusted or actually cleaned, and they merely moved everything into our guest room which was piled up with whatever 'didn't have a place' to them. And paint cans, shoes and a few other items were just put outside on our deck....in July. Ruined a pair of shoes my late mother gave me...ruined leftover paint...Took us over a year to 'fix' the mess and find things. Over two years later I still find things shoved places and I fuss at my dh who reminds me who the REAL culprits were. This time I am making sure everything is spic and span, and if they want to help, then they can actually CLEAN, not move our stuff to 'help'! They also helped with stocking the fridge, but this time I will also have a detailed 'what we keep or need in the house' list since hubby is gluten-free, and last time we ended up with foods that neither of us ate." She adds that no one actually came to help AFTER their son was born, and it would have been nice to have some help then!

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It seems that grandmothers are the worst offenders (Note to self, remember the Grandma Rules at all times). You won't believe some of the problems grandmothers have caused: "My mother washed all our kids' laundry while we were away on a weekend trip...she was so proud that she "finished off" the small bag of ecosprouts we had hanging out in the laundry room(she had no idea we only used it to launder cloth diapers)! The only problem was we then had nothing to wash the dirty diapers we brought home from the trip!"

Another grandmother offered kitchen help that wasn't so helpful: "My mother kept unloading my
dishwasher and if she didn't know where something belonged, she would just pick a place that made sense to her. Took us FOREVER to find the colander!"

A third mom wrote that " My mom does this every time she visits. The worst thing she ever misplaced was the week before Christmas. I had bought my husband a new wedding band and had it engraved. She 'put it somewhere safe' without telling me and couldn't remember where she put it! Thank goodness I found it on Christmas Eve buried in my HUSBAND'S underwear drawer!"

How CAN You Help?

Obviously with so many moms expressing frustration caused by well-intentioned helpers, we need to figure out what you CAN do to help a new mom. Some safe options include food preparation (be sure you know if there are dietary restrictions), child care for older children, and running errands. The key is to ask the new mother exactly WHAT she would like  you to do. Remember that this isn't about you, it's about her and her needs.

La Leche League leader Stephanie Stenmark offers excellent advice to anyone who wants to help out: "Never move paper work, and always ask if you don't know for sure where they put something. Really just stick to laundry, wiping counter surfaces, bathrooms, vacuuming and mopping. Never try to organize someone else's belongings!"  

What is the best thing someone could do to help you with a new baby?

Does "Breast is Best" Create a Hardship?

Photo of PumpEase courtesy of  http://www.snugabell.com/

I just came across an interesting article posted in the New York Times in which Jane Brody attempts to use a recent serial  interview study from Scotland to prove a point. She says the American Academy of Pediatrics goal that women exclusively breastfeed for about 6 months is unrealistic and imposes undue hardship on mothers. She relies somewhat on her personal experience 43 years ago when she had her twin sons early by C-section and pumped her milk as they were being fed formula in the hospital. Obviously that wasn't a terribly auspicious beginning for Ms. Brody, and she didn't have the advantage of a supportive lactation consultant since the profession didn't exist 43 years ago. Her OB was quite supportive, but her pediatrician was not, and I must say that I really admire her determination to breastfeed her sons despite some incredible obstacles and without a strong support network.

However, the thing that concerns me the most is the perception of a continued lack of support for nursing mothers in the workplace. Federal law mandates not only that breastfeeding mothers be given break time whenever they need to pump, but it also says that employers with 50+ employees are required to provide a place for pumping that is NOT a bathroom. Many employers have made huge strides in accommodating nursing mothers; nevertheless, some companies may still be unaware of the legal requirement to support these employees. It is vitally important that the women who work in these companies make their HR people aware of their responsibility.

A Nurturing Moment actually has a special program in place specifically designed to help employers offer the best support available to mothers. The return on investment is incredible. Cigna conducted a 2 year study of breastfeeding employees and found that their workplace lactation program produced the following results:

• $240 million annual savings in health care expenses
• 62% fewer prescriptions
• 77% reduction in absenteeism

Mutual of Omaha had the following results with their lactation program:

• 83% employee retention after maternity leave (national average is 59%)
• Healthcare claims per breastfed newborn averaged $1269 compared to $3415 for formula-fed infants.

That leads us into a discussion of my second major concern with Ms. Brody's article. She asserts that there is no research to back up the claims of the medical community that breastfed babies are healthier. It looks to me like Mutual of Omaha has done some research that backs that up!(Mutual of Omaha. (2001). Prenatal and lactation education reduces newborn health care costs.Omaha, NE: Mutual of Omaha.) Furthermore, the AAP statement is backed up by significant research. In fact, it contains 151 citations to support it's recommendations. The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine has also responded to the Times article with a statement calling for enhanced support for all nursing mothers. 


This isn't about Mommy Wars or "Milk Wars." It's about a public health initiative. The worst thing that anybody can do is use guilt in an attempt to motivate a woman to nurse. Guilt is a lousy motivational tool. It is even more awful for anyone, breastfeeding advocate or not, to make a mother feel guilty about her feeding choice once that choice has been made. Life is just too short for guilt! 


So what do we need to do? First of all, we need to make sure that all mothers have access to good prenatal education about breastfeeding. They need to know that it may be challenging. They also need to know where to turn if they do have any problems.  Next, we need to realize that, as one mother so aptly put it, "It takes a village to breastfeed a baby." (thanks, Elizabeth!) That village includes health care providers, community support groups, family, friends, and breastfeeding professionals.  Finally, we all need to strive to make the workplace more supportive for nursing moms. Are you in management? Do you own a business? Do you know someone who does? Find out what they're doing to help their nursing mothers. Ask questions before you get pregnant. If your children are older, then see what you can do to smooth the way for younger women. If we all work together, we can help more moms succeed and avoid a lot of unnecessary guilt.

ANM Postpartum Support

Recently we polled moms about their greatest need after the baby came home. The most common reponses were help with meals, cleaning, older children and breastfeeding support. Several needed someone to hold the baby so they could get a shower or get the rest they needed. If you have family living close by, you have a built-in support network, but in a city as transient as Huntsville, many people don't have any family nearby at all.

Over the last several years we've often had requests from moms for postpartum doula referrals. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of people willing to provide this service. We do have one local mom who is currently certifying as a postpartum doula, and that's great news. However, we've decided that due to the demand for this service, we would start ANM postpartum support! 


Melissa Florence and Glenni Lorick are both International Board Certified Lactation Consultants who will come to your home and provide all the support and provide all the support and help you need! Our services include the following:

• Professional breastfeeding support (including the use of a hospital-grade pump when we’re present)
• Instruction in and help with infant care
• Assistance with multiples
• Aid with maternal post-partum care

We will be  in your home and willing to help in any way we can as you adjust to life with a new baby. You can choose a package of 12, 26, 40, 58 or 80 hours, or you can pay by the hour.  The hours may be split up according to your needs over the first 8 weeks of your baby's life.  We will be with you for 3 - 8 hours at a time - you decide what you need and what will work the best for you.  

Whether you're a first time mom or you already have several children, you'll be so thankful for the personalized support that we provide. Best of all, you can actually put this on your gift registry and have your friends and co-workers give you ANM Postpartum Support as a present. It's a gift you will appreciate long after the early post-partum period is past!

Give us a call today at 256-489-2590 and mention this blog post for a 10% introductory discount!