Handout for Busybody Breastfeeding Critics

By Glenni Lorick, IBCLC

I've heard one too many mothers say that they were victims of harassment while breastfeeding a hungry baby. Unfortunately we just do not have a breastfeeding culture in this country. Therefore, it is up to us to help educate the people we meet. Most mothers really never have an issue with anyone making ugly comments, but just this week a mother was told by a department store associate to nurse in the ladies' lounge. While the mother was nursing her baby with a cover in the lounge, an older woman told her that she was disgusting and should have brought a bottle! THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!! 

To help combat this incredible cultural stupidity, I created a two-sided document that you can print and cut apart so that you have an immediate response to anybody who tries to harass you for breastfeeding. Just copy the two pictures below and insert into a document (landscape orientation), then scale to fill the page. The front side contains a copy of the Alabama law, and the back side gives a rundown of just a few of the benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby.

Let's Celebrate the Normalization of Breastfeeding

By Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
Thursday a number of moms and nursing babies/toddlers descended on Point Mallard. What had first been intended as a protest against the treatment received by nursing mother Emily Jackson, turned into a full -fledged celebration of the normalization of breastfeeding! Thanks to the amazing publicity due to the AL.com article written by Anna Claire Vollers, Point Mallard was quick to issue a statement in support of nursing mothers and their families.

Recently another local mom had an unfortunate experience at a local restaurant. Alex Ragland was celebrating her husband's return after a business trip. They were enjoying dinner at Buenavista where Alex ordered a Margarita. She waited to drink it until she was done nursing her 7month old son. After securing him in his high chair, she relaxed and drank her cocktail. When she ordered a second one, the waitress began making loud comments to other customers about her endangering her baby. One of the customers, himself a Redstone Arsenal Police Officer, called the Madison Police! When Alex went out to her car, she was met by Officers who explained that they had to make a report since they were called. They informed her that they had no choice but to involve DHR. The manager of Buenavista was extremely upset by what had happened to them, and he gave them their meal for free.

That night Alex contacted me because she was so understandably upset. She did speak with an attorney, (one of our incredible ANM moms) but decided not to pursue legal action. This week I stopped in to see Antonio, the manager. He was quick to tell me that the offending waitress no longer works there. He also expressed his dismay over what happened to Alex. He couldn't understand why anybody would give a second thought to somebody breastfeeding since it is completely normal in his home country! He assured me that all his staff understands never to bother a nursing mom, and if another patron complains, he will be relocated.

In light of Antonio's wonderful attitude, and with Alex's full blessing, we are planning a  #NormalizeBreastfeeding celebration for Thursday, July 2, at 6:00 at Buenavista on Highway 72 in Madison. We are taking advantage of their $2.99 margaritas as part of our celebration. Please understand that we are NOT encouraging moms to drink while nursing. Although Dr. Jack Newman  has said that "Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all." Basically, if you are safe to drive, a Baby is safe to dine! Nevertheless, Alex did nurse first THEN had her margarita.

Let us know if you plan to come by responding to this link in Huntsville Mommy Milk Meet-up. Of course husbands are welcome! In fact, my husband and I plan to be there celebrating with our amazing mamas and babies!

A Challenge to American Airlines!

From La Leche League, Canada

Over the years, I have spent many, many hours in the air flying from continent to continent with nursing babies. Never once has anyone said anything negative to me about it, and I've never been harassed in any way. I've flown a variety of airlines including American, Delta, international carriers, and other US carriers. Unfortunately, one mother was not so lucky. Her friend Hannah explains what happened:

While breastfeeding during her 5-hour flight, my dear friend, who would like to remain anonymous, was treated poorly by an American Airlines flight attendant. My friend reached out to customer service and in response American Airlines outlined their policy requiring nursing mothers to “cover-up." The federal government and nearly every state have laws in place that protect women nursing in public. Are the legal rights of breastfeeding infants really lost when the plane leaves the ground? 

“On July 21, 2013 my husband and I were travelling home with our 5 month-old son on an American Airlines flight. After lift-off, I allowed our son to begin nursing as it helps his ears not hurt and prevents him from crying for the rest of the flight. I was sitting in the window seat, my husband was sitting in the center seat, and our son’s head was toward the window so no one could really see what was going on. There was a girl about ten or twelve years old sitting in the aisle seat next to my husband. She had her headphones on and was chatting with her friends in surrounding seats – my son’s eating did not seem to be bothering her. 
A few minutes after my son started nursing, a stewardess walked by our row, shook her head at me, and shot me a very displeased look. I told my husband, and we both agreed that she probably wouldn’t go any further, since I was being discreet and no one else seemed bothered. A few minutes later, the same stewardess returned to our row, leaned over the girl in the aisle seat, and told me (after a bit of hesitation as she couldn’t find her words) that I needed to put a blanket over my son “because there are kids on this flight.” My husband promptly responded that there was no problem with what I was doing and that we preferred to not use a blanket. The stewardess left our row and walked to the back of the plane. A few minutes later, she returned again and told the young lady in the aisle seat, “I’m going to move you back here because you’re probably really uncomfortable.” By that time, our my son was asleep and the girl had yet to take notice in my nursing of him.
For the rest of the flight, that stewardess never offered us drinks and avoided looking at us, but my son happily nursed and slept. We had passengers all around us saying how thankful they were that our son was sleeping, commenting 'He’s the best baby on the plane!'
I filed a complaint on the American Airlines website describing the employee’s inappropriate, harassment-style behavior, saying that it made me hesitant to fly with American Airlines again. On August 3, 2013, I received the attached letter in response – Not an apology and further reason to believe that harassment is not uncommon for breastfeeding mothers flying with American Airlines."

Please SHARE and tell American Airlines that a woman nourishing her baby in the most natural way possible should never be shamed into covering-up!

 This is the letter that American Airlines sent in reply to her complaint. The first thing about this letter that bothers me is the idea that some might take offense to a baby being breastfed. Would they be offended if that baby were being given a bottle? Would they be offended if that baby were screaming because the pressure change hurt his ears and he couldn't relieve the pressure by sucking?

The second thing that concerns me is the idea that unless a mother is using a cover, she can't nurse discreetly. Some babies refuse to nurse with a cover. The cover actually brings more attention to the breastfeeding. A mother can absolutely nurse discreetly without a cover.

The third thing that is upsetting is the fact that we have a culture which simply does not encourage breastfeeding! The flight attendant should have been so thankful that this mother was able to get her baby to sleep and keep him quiet in the confines of a crowded airliner. She should have gone the extra mile to show appreciation to a mother who was being so considerate of those around her. She should have made sure that the nursing mother was offered plenty of liquid. She did NONE of those things. Instead she belittled and bullied the mother. It is behavior like this that contributes to our current culture surrounding breastfeeding.

Will American Airlines accept the challenge to
take leadership in creating a supportive
culture for nursing mothers?

This is World Breastfeeding Week. This year we are celebrating peer counselors, those people who support the mothers around them in breastfeeding. Certainly we don't expect an airline employee to become a peer counselor. However, wouldn't it have been lovely if that flight attendant had said a simple "thank-you" to the mother for soothing her baby? Wouldn't it have been kind if she had brought her a bottle of water and asked if she needed a pillow or anything else? That is the culture that we need to foment. American Airlines, you have the opportunity here to take leadership in this area and use this experience to propel you into the forefront of creating a culture supportive of breastfeeding mothers in the air! Will you take the challenge?

If you would like to send Mr. Rhodes an email encouraging him to take this challenge, here is his email:  tim.rhodes@aa.com

If you want to send a letter to American Airlines encouraging them to take up this challenge, here is the address:
American Airlines Customer Relations
P.O. Box 619612  MD  2400
DFW Airport, TX  75261-9612
\

Thanks for NIP!!

An Iowa woman received quite a surprise on her thirty-third birthday. Jackie Johnson-Smith was having pizza with her family at Fongs in DesMoines when her baby got fussy. She began to nurse him with a cover, but noticed that waitress Bodi Kenney was glancing her way.

Like many mothers, Jackie has received critical stares for nursing in public (NIP). Thinking that perhaps the waitress was judging her, Jackie headed out to the car while her husband paid the bill.  In an interview with radio station KCCI she said, "I instantly felt panicked. Like, 'What is she thinking? Is she not wanting me to do it here?'"

So when her husband came out to the car with the receipt shown to the left in his hand, Jackie couldn't believe her eyes! Bodi had written, "I bought one of your pizzas. Please thank your wife for breastfeeding!!"

In her thank you note which she sent to Bodi's husband via Facebook (and subsequently  shared with Michele Zipp at The Stir,) Jackie expressed her feelings this way:

Jackie Johnson-Smith with her 3 children.

I didn't come from a breastfeeding family. I myself was formula fed as was common place through my family. My breastfeeding journey has been deeply personal with endless woes and triumphs. Your wife touched me in a place in my heart that is so tender, so raw and rooted and so very proud. Unbeknownst to her at the time it was also my 33rd birthday. I felt an amazing sense of belonging and optimism that day because of your wife's beautiful sentiment that is still carrying me days later.

Bringing it to Huntsville

This story really touched me. I have often tried to encourage moms I see nursing in public, but my fear has always been making a mom feel uncomfortable, so sometimes I just smile and say nothing. I decided after reading this that I need to do more! So I have created a special thank you note that I am keeping in my purse. It was inspired by the note Marley posted in her last blog. I have modified it a bit to make it my own, and added a $10 gift certificate to A Nurturing Moment as a special way to honor any mom I happen to see NIP.

So wherever I go, I am keeping my eyes open. I'm looking for that mom nursing discreetly in a sling. I'm watching for the mom sitting with a cover in the restaurant booth. I'm searching for moms Nursing In Public so I can hand them our special new note to say THANK YOU!

Maybe if we all look for moms who NIP and take time to say THANK YOU, we will make NIP a commonplace site right here in the Tennessee Valley!

Taboobies

From a terrific article on Public Breastfeeding in The Maneater.

Just the other day a friend of mine, who is also a new grandmother and was once a La Leche League leader when her babies were small, was visiting with me here in the store. Our talk turned to attitudes about breastfeeding - particularly across the generations and here in the Sunny South.

She commented that many of the young mothers in her church don't breastfeed for very long, and that those who do may be asked to go to the Nursing Mother's Room rather than nurse where anyone can see them. On a recent outing with other mothers and adolescent daughters, the topic of breastfeeding came up, and one of the ladies said something like, "Oh, we really shouldn't talk about things like that with the girls around." Really??? Maybe that's why the young mothers in that church don't breastfeed for very long...perhaps if they were exposed to the normalcy of breasts being used to feed babies, they might actually succeed!

I decided to ask our ANM moms for other examples of breastfeeding being considered taboo, and
got some very interesting responses. In the interest of protecting our moms' privacy, I'm just going to use an initial here, not names.

SHHH...We don't Do That Here!

In some families and cultural groups, breastfeeding is considered something that is either inappropriate or should be kept hidden.

S. had a grandmother with an interesting perspective:

My Nana told me that only poor people breastfed because they couldn't afford formula.

T. has a family where breastfeeding is kept very secretive:

My family keeps breastfeeding a secret! One of my aunts kept it so well hidden that even though she nursed three of my cousins (and our family has ALWAYS gotten together on average 2-3 Sundays a month) it took me having my first baby to find out! She was my biggest (and only related) supporter for all three of my children! Even with her support, I was still banished to a bedroom for feedings. I couldn't imagine nursing in front of my grandfather, anyway. He refers to breasts as "bosoms." I am glad that I was able to bring it up to my younger female cousins; all but two had never known anyone to nurse. Now they are finally comfortable enough to come in and keep me company!

K. was at a baby shower where she had this conversation:

From Mommy Letters to Baby.

One woman was telling the mom-to-be about the private nursing room we have at church. I piped up with a "But don't feel like you *have* to use it!" and explained that I nursed my last 3 children right where I sat during church services (usually less than 5 rows from the front, even). The nursing room mom said, "I was too modest to do that..." As if modestly really has anything to do with it. I certainly didn't disrobe! 

You're Still Doing THAT??

Not too long ago we wrote a tongue-in-cheek blog called "How Long Do You Plan to Nurse That Baby?" Unfortunately, here in the South most women do not nurse even the full year recommended by the AAP. 

Apparently it's even taboo on Facebook!

A. responded this way:

No one in my family has breastfed longer than the first few weeks to a month. So most of my family asked, many times, "Are you STILL nursing?" after he hit 6 months. My mom won't look at me when I'm nursing, and once told me he was "old enough for formula; there's nothing wrong with it." I finally said, "no. No. NO!" I asked her if she had ever even looked at the ingredients of formula. She was shocked when I told her the first ingredient was corn syrup. My grandmother is more "supportive" and just says she has her opinions about it, but knows I've researched it, and that it's my body and my baby. 

B. had this to offer:

My mother complains that I'm still nursing my 11 month old. She says that's why they cry when she holds them.

P. had a supportive family, but commented about a neighbor:

I did have a neighbor ask me why can't I just pump and put it in a bottle now that she's "so old." (her baby is only 19 months old.) Why would I pull a toddler from the source and introduce a bottle at this age?

Gotta Love Those Great-Grandpas!

It seems that some great-grandfathers tend to be more supportive than the women of their generation. 

C. recalled the interesting reactions of both of her grandparents:

The first time I had to nip (nurse in public) with my ENTIRE family, I thought my grandmother was going to turn beet red. My granddad, noticing what I was doing said very loudly because he's mostly deaf," If anybody doesn't like it, they can just get out of here." I needed his support as a new and nervous mom. I didn't even know how much until he said that...not to mention the comic relief of everyone hearing him!

Finally, this discussion made M. remember her baby's great-grandfather:

This reminds me of a sweet comment made to me by my husband's 90 year old granddad. I was a new mom nervously nursing our first baby under a cover. Granddad told me about when he was a boy with several older sisters. Whenever it was time to feed the babies, all the mommies would sit on the porch together, rocking and chatting while they nursed.

Do you have a "Taboobie" tale to share? Leave it in the comments so we can all enjoy it!

Alabama Mother Harassed for Nursing in a WIC Office!

If Beyonce can do it, so can you!

Today I received an email from a mother that absolutely floored me! She was in a Montgomery WIC office waiting room breastfeeding her baby discreetly when she was chastised by a health department employee  who told her that she shouldn't nurse in the waiting room because she was "distracting people." She tried to explain that she had a nursing cover and a blanket, but before she could even get it out she was moved into a cluttered storage room where the employee had to move papers and pamphlets out of the chair so the mother could sit down to nurse.

From Woman's E News

To add insult to injury, as the mother was beginning to nurse again, the employee began banging on the closed storage room door demanding that the mother open it. Then another employee came to "supervise" the mother. The first employee then brought a blanket and threw it over the child's head. This was NOT the mother's own blanket, and the mother had absolutely no idea where it came from or what germs might be on it. The baby began to fuss and kick off the cover with the end result that she did not get to nurse adequately before the mother was called back for her appointment.

There is SO MUCH wrong with what happened to this mother, but I think the thing that is MOST upsetting is the fact that she was in an office where infant nutrition is supposed to be the highest priority. What better nutrition is there than breast milk? Is the WIC system so dependent upon their contracts with the formula companies that they have to discourage breastfeeding? Are the workers completely unaware of Alabama state law? For anyone who is wondering, here is what our state law says:

 Breastfeeding children in public or private locations.

A mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be present.

 Or is the bottle-feeding culture just so culturally ingrained in them that they really don't care about what the law says?

Fortunately this mother is taking some proactive steps. She is writing a letter to the WIC department in her county. I can only hope that it will help. However, if every mother who reads this encourages every mother she knows who is on WIC to make it a point to nurse in the WIC office and have a copy of the law on hand just in case anybody says anything, it won't be long before that department gets the message!

I do have to conclude by emphasizing how impressed I have been with the Madison County WIC office and the desire I have seen in some of the workers there to encourage breastfeeding. I was honored to be invited by them to speak to their moms about breastfeeding last year. So not all offices are the same. Nevertheless, if you live in an area where your WIC office isn't very supportive, remember your rights and exercise them!!

Nursing Normalcy

by Sarah Bailey, Guest Blogger

If you were in Parkway Place Mall Saturday afternoon  week ago, you may have witnessed a nurse-in.  Didn't notice?  Maybe you noticed a small group of cute babies with mommies and families hanging out inside and outside of Hollister?  This was a nurse-in.

Although we were small in number with just over a dozen Tennessee Valley moms, dads, nurslings, and siblings participating, I think we perfectly represented what it means to nurse in public. Wearing our babies in slings and wraps, we met outside the store, walked around inside a bit, and sat in the big comfy chairs, shopping like any other customer.  The only difference is we nursed our babies while doing so.  No one stared, looked, or even seemed to notice.  One security guard was around at first, but he quickly lost interest. We were normal shoppers.  And that's what nursing in public should be.

Nationally, almost a thousand people gathered at 140 Hollister Stores in malls around the country on Saturday, January 5 at 3:00 pm.  Canadians organized and participated in 4 Hollister stores.  In Virginia Beach, VA, over 80 protesters showed.  A Texas location drew an impressive crowd of over 50 people to the nurse-in at the mall where Brittany Warfield  was screamed at by a Hollister manager on December 26, 2012.  He created a scene by yelling that she could not nurse her baby in front of their store.  She knew her rights, but was humiliated while she discreetly nursed.  This specific incident fueled this Hollister Nurse-in, planned entirely via social media outlets.  Friends, acquaintances, and strangers came together across two countries to back up this mother and support a woman's right to nurse in public.  Facebook entries indicate that nursing in public rights are receiving global attention, with posts and comments hailing from as far away as Australia. 

Most of the nurse-ins this past Saturday were comparable to ours.  Five or less moms and babies participated at many stores with no drama. Just a normal day out with baby, albeit carrying a copy of our rights  in our back pockets should we be challenged. 

Unfortunately, a few moms needed their copies of these rights on Saturday.  Most notable was a small group questioned by security guards at Concord Mall  in Delaware. The mom and nursling pairs participating in the nurse-in were told to stop breastfeeding or leave by mall security. The security guards called the police, and the guards followed the mothers around the mall.  The event was called "an eyesore" on the mall's Facebook page, and a subsequent post contained a sexual slur   The page has since been taken down, and the mall is denying involvement of any of its employees in these offensive posts.  After making a call to the mall myself stating I was writing about the event in a blog post, I was advised to wait until the investigation was completed for an official public announcement on their website.  Coincidentally, I checked their site and this statement  posted within hours of my call. It states that the mall intends to comply with breastfeeding laws and issues an apology for the inconvenience at the nurse-in.  The security officers have reportedly been removed pending investigation. The mall denies having an official Facebook page, and claims to be in the process of reporting violations for the crude unauthorized posts.

The moms at Concord Mall were harassed.  Although the law protects the right to nurse in public, most state laws lack an enforcement provision.  This means that moms who are harassed for breastfeeding in public have absolutely no recourse in most states.  Moms are unable to take legal action against the harasser.  Wondering why this matters?  Imagine missing a flight, being unable to console your sick baby in a hospital, or being interrupted while peacefully eating a meal you purchase in a restaurant because someone is interfering with your rights.  This site  provides detailed accounts of just a few of the actual situations in which recourse is certainly justifiable. 

Should you find yourself challenged while breastfeeding in public, continue nursing confidently and ask for the owner or manager of the business.  Administrators are more likely to have appropriate training and may end the confrontation immediately.  Have a copy of your rights with you at all times.  Note the names of the people confronting you, and snap pictures with cell phones if possible. If harassment does not cease, you may call the police as the harassers are breaking the law by interfering with your right to nurse in public.  Simply stating to the harasser that you intend to call the police may be effective in getting them to bug off.  Unfortunately complete strangers or family members may also comment unfavorably on your decision to breastfeed in public. Be ready with responses  and talking points  if you feel inclined to defend your choice.

Working together, we can raise awareness of rights to nurse in public and hopefully prevent confrontations from happening to nursing moms.  Nurse-in events are an effective vehicle for raising awareness even though enforcement provisions are few and far between for now.  Corporations are forced to quickly disseminate information or provide sensitivity training to their employees on laws about breastfeeding in public or face the consequences of unfavorable publicity for inappropriate responses to nursing in public and organized nurse-ins.

Being a Nurturing Moments follower myself, I know this post is reaching the choir.  Participating in this nurse-in may not have fit your schedule this past Saturday, but you can still help normalize nursing in public. Here are six things you can do to make a difference:

1)  Nurse confidently in public, knowing your right to do so is protected by law.

2)  Support other moms who nurse in public.  Should you see a nursing mom being harassed in public for nursing, go stand by her. . Bullies are less likely to continue attacking a mother with support. 

3)  Report any harassment to the Nursing in Public Harassment Hotline - - 1-888-NIP-FREE.  Learn why reporting is important here.

4)  Plan to attend a future nurse-in for your area, with a nursling or not.  Support from family, friends, and moms with weaned babies is very helpful.  Join a new Nurse-Ins group on Facebook to be sure to learn about any upcoming events. 

5)  Use social media to spread the message. Feel free to share this post or an article of your choice. The more people see information about nursing in mainstream media, the better educated the public will be on nursing in public rights.

6) Help by advocating for an enforcement provision.  You can get started here. 

Please Nurse in the Ladies' Room!

Photo from ZoloWear ring slings.

Today a mom asked me if businesses could make you go to the restroom to nurse your baby. Apparently a local business has signs up about it's nursing area in the ladies' room. She doesn't follow the suggestion, however, and discreetly nurses wherever she pleases. The truth is that nobody even notices that a mother is breastfeeding if she's wearing a baby sling and being discreet about it.

In my reply to her, I mentioned the Alabama state law which states, "A mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be present." It's great that a business actually provides a place for mothers to breastfeed because some new mothers really aren't quite ready to nurse in public yet, so a comfortable lounge area might be just what she needs. However, it is unfortunate that we still have some businesses in the Tennessee Valley that frown on breastfeeding mothers. In the last year I've heard of at least one restaurant that asked a nursing mother to move because she was "bothering another patron." Why couldn't the person who was bothered just move?

So why is it that some people are so bothered by the sight of a breastfeeding mother? Are they just as irritated by the site of a scantily-clad young woman? I wonder what would happen if a mother decided to breastfeed her baby at Hooters??

I do have a couple of theories about why some people get upset, but I'd love to know what you think!

1. Those who didn't breastfeed may feel somewhat threatened by the site of a woman breastfeeding. Perhaps it makes them feel guilty.
2. They don't understand that a baby nursing from his mother's breast is eating in the most natural way possible, and a baby drinking from a bottle is actually eating in a very artificial way. 
3. They believe that a mother feeding her baby should be a private thing. It's okay for them to eat a meal in public, but heaven-forbid a hungry baby do so (unless he's being artificially fed...see #2)
4. They equate breastfeeding with other bodily functions that are best done in private...The only problem is that breastfeeding is filling up a tummy, not emptying it!
5. They think of breasts in purely sexual terms and fail to recognize the true biological function of the human breast.

The fact of the matter is that in many countries around the world, nobody gives a nursing mother a second glance. The culture as a whole recognizes the truth that breastfeeding is the ideal way to feed an infant. Our culture, however, perceives bottle-feeding as the norm; therefore, a mother who deviates from that norm and breastfeeds her baby in the public must be a little off in some way. 

If we ever hope the reach the Healthy People 2020 breastfeeding goals of 81.9% of all mothers initiating breastfeeding and 60.6% or all mothers still breastfeeding at 6 months, we are going to have to see some sweeping cultural  changes. We as a society need to make it comfortable for mothers to nurse wherever they happen to be. If you see the symbol to the left, you can be assured that you have found a business that is breastfeeding-friendly.

Have you had businesses that have made you feel either very comfortable or very uncomfortable about nursing there? I'd love to hear about it!