Local Mom Warns About Threat at Big Spring Park

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
I came across something on Facebook the other night that really disturbed me. A local mom had posted a warning based on something that happened to her Saturday when she took her new puppy and 3 children to Big Spring Park. Earlier that day I had come across this post at ATTN: which highlights the fact that 2 million children worldwide are being trafficked as sex slaves. Laura Parker of Exodus Road estimates the total number of people in slavery worldwide as over 45 million. According to the Global Slavery Index, 57,700 people are living in slavery in the United States.

In 2013, the FBI warned that sex trafficking was on the rise in North Alabama partly because we are right in the middle of a trafficking triangle that connects Birmingham, Nashville and Atlanta. Just last year a ring was busted in Nashville!  That's WAY too close to home! The really terrifying thing here, though, is that over half of those cited wanted sex with a minor. Sadly, this sting didn't catch the monsters responsible for holding these children in slavery. But another 2016 sting did catch a North Alabama lawyer who was part of a trafficking ring with underage victims.

Madison County Chief Deputy David Jernigan addressed the
media after arrests in a 2015 trafficking case.

That's why I couldn't help but be shaken when I read this post. Even more disconcerting were the hundreds of responses from other mothers who had experienced similarly creepy situations all over the Tennessee Valley. The threat is very real!

The Disturbing Facebook Post

Just a heads up... If anyone is going to Big Spring Park in Huntsville please keep your eyes on your kids at all times! I had a VERY strange and unsettling experience there this Saturday (3/4/17) and it left me never wanting to take my 3 kids out without my husband ever again. Luckily I carry everywhere I go, but I still pray that I never have to use my weapon. I seriously thought I was going to have to this past weekend. Sex trafficking is for real y'all. It's much more common than we think. People work in groups of 2 or more. Often times one person will try to distract you from your children while the other person snatches them up. It's not just at big spring park either. It's everywhere. The world is not what it was 30 years ago.

Here's what happened:

I was with my 3 kids and my new puppy. I had seen a woman in her mid 30's watching us from afar with her big boxer on a leash. She finally came up to us, and was very interested in my dog. I immediately felt uneasy because she got extremely too close way too fast as if her dog was some powerful beast that she was unable to control. Too bad I had just watched her for the 10 minutes she was watching us, and saw how very well behaved her pup was even when a duck was right in his path. Anyways, while she was making small talk, I noticed a very large (not fat, just very built) man pacing back and forth watching my kids. I hadn't seen him at all, even tho I'm extremely aware of my surroundings especially with all 3 kiddo's in tow by myself. I got an extremely uncomfortable feeling and very scared, all while this woman was still trying to talk with me. I made eye contact with him, so he knew I knew he was there, and the woman who was just chatty Kathy with me for about 5 minutes just walked away. Didn't even say goodbye. Just walked away. I told my 2 older ones to grab my arms and walk fast with me. The man watched me walk away. When I made it to my car, I got my kids in and I was looking out of my window to try and spot these folks. The lady was wearing a bright red jacket so it wasn't like I could miss her or anything. I couldn't see her anywhere. She was gone. But then... THEN y'all!!! I see this man j walking and crossing the street and heading straight for my car. I hopped in, put my keys in the ignition and started pulling out of the parking lot. This man watched me drive away, and the eye contact he held was very eery and creepy. I thank God for protecting my children, and I'm so beyond grateful that nothing happened. Be aware of your surroundings ALWAYS!

What Can You Do?

If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, trust your gut! It is far better to overreact where there is no danger than to fail to react where there is! These tips will help you and your children stay safe. If you are in a situation where somebody is making you uncomfortable, leave. As you are leaving, pull out your cell phone and start recording the situation. Get faces and voices, and be sure that any suspects can tell they are being recorded. Call the police immediately and describe the suspects. Or better yet, when you get into your car, drive to the police station. Do not drive home or to a relative's house because you might be followed.

Teach your children to run and raise a ruckus like a child did just today when somebody makes them feel uneasy. Fortunately neighbors stepped in to help the child who was on the way home from school.  Dads, make sure you are actively involved in your daughters' lives. These creeps prey on little girls who are looking for a father-figure. If you really want to make a difference, you can join the North Alabama Human Trafficking Task Force.  They welcome volunteers! 

Y'all, the horrifying truth is that this is happening right here in our backyard. But we have a STRONG parenting village, and together we can send the message that the Tennessee Valley won't tolerate predators!

Worshipping with Your Baby

My husband pastors a small church with a lot of older members. When babies, toddlers or children come, everyone is delighted. Nobody is bothered by the sound of a little one in the service. In fact, some folks say that it brings joy to their hearts because they recognize that children are the future of the church.

Over the years I have nursed my babies in a wide variety of churches. I always wore them in a sling and made sure that I was dressed so that I could breastfeed discreetly. I've never had anyone say anything unkind about it or suggest that I leave a service. However, there have been times when we have taken advantage of the loving care provided by our church nursery. Busy toddlers were happier there, and Mama could worship better...especially since she didn't have Daddy sitting beside her to help with the kids (Sunday is often his busiest work day!)

I recently asked a group of mothers on the Facebook page for The Creator's Guide to Infant Feeding this question: "Does your baby go into worship with you, or do you use the church nursery? Why?" The responses offered a terrific cross-section of perspectives.

Baby Goes to the Nursery

About half of the moms said that the nursery was their place of choice for baby. One mom said, "Nursery! They have (gone there) since they were 6-8 weeks old. They get such a bond with the sweet ladies that take care of them. There's no way I could deny that!" She even went on to fondly tag one of those sweet ladies in her post.

Another mother responded, "While baby was little and sleepy enough to sleep through most of the service he was with me. After he was old enough to crawl he was just too active. so to the nursery! And our church assigns a number. If your baby is crying/needs you, you get called out. And there's a nursing room." 

A third mother had a hybrid approach: "We keep them with us while they are little and quiet, then when they start wanting to play and talk they go to he nursery (1 1/2 to 3ish), then back with us to learn to worship/sit around age 3."

Finally one mother expressed her conflicting feelings this way: "He has only been to nursery twice. Need to try again because it's distracting keeping him in service. He doesn't do well with strangers, so it gives me anxiety to leave him."  

Baby Stays With Mom

However, several of the mothers said they prefer to keep baby in the service with them. One mother said, "We go on Saturday nights so my husband can go, too, and there is no nursery. We both also agree that they need to be in the service with us to learn how to grow in the church. Besides, how can I nurse on demand if I'm away from baby?"

A mother whose church is meeting in a non-traditional setting had this to say: "(Baby stays) with me. At our current church, we meet at a bank in a large room so it's a different church setting than a typical one. My 7 month old will sit in my lap playing, then when we sing in the hallway, I'll let her play on a blanket on the floor so she can move around." 

Another mother explained her reasoning a little more in-depth: "I'm in love with the idea of family integrated worship so they stay with us. We homechurch so all of the families' kids are in service. The Bible says to know those who labor among you, and usually we didn't know people working in the nurseries. At one church they wouldn't call me when the baby would cry his eyes out, although I asked the director of the area and workers in the class to call me if he cried for me at all. They would just hold him and try to comfort him while he was screaming. I finally went back there one day and saw him screaming and never took him back. Best decision I ever made. That was baby #4, and we haven't put our kids in class since; we are on #8."

You're the Expert

from http://keeshavia.blogspot.com/

It really all boils down to mom's comfort level, the climate of the church, and personal preference. Every mother and baby is different, so what works for one family may not work for another. And each congregation is different, as well. The bottom line is that within the body of Christ, we need to recognize that parenting is NOT a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. 

Godly parents cross the spectrum from devotees to Dr. Sears to Gary Ezzo followers. The most important thing to ask ourselves is, "Are we raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?" Some parents may have greater emphasis on nurture, while others may have greater emphasis on admonition. Ideally, we want to give our children both. Strong doses of nurture in the earliest months of life lay a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship of trust between mother and child! This is not to say that babies can't be nurtured by loving nursery workers. They can! However, if you have young mothers in your congregation who feel led to keep their babies with them in the service, then it is a good thing to do all you can to make those families feel as comfortable as possible!

What has your experience been? What advice can you offer other families? I would LOVE your input on this conversation!

Waiting on the Perfect Timing

Angela at 36 weeks. She is a tremendous inspiration!

By Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
Yesterday morning I listened to a conference call with one of the most inspirational people I know, Angela Loehr Chrysler. She is 38 weeks pregnant, and very ready to have her baby! Yet the focus of her comments was the importance of waiting on the right timing. She summed it up this way: "I believe in God's perfect timing, greatness is in store for you! Remember waiting on His timing is not always easy...but always worth it. Pray through your impatient moments & trust in the journey."

Perfect Timing in Childbirth

When you are at the end of your pregnancy, you are so ready for baby to be born. When a well-meaning doctor offers to schedule an induction, be sure to carefully evaluate the risks. If your body isn't ready to go into labor, then you may end up on the downhill road to major surgery instead of a much safer vaginal delivery. Your baby is also placed at increased risk for temperature instability, hypoglycemia, respiratory distress, apnea and bradycardia, and clinical jaundice.

Every mother who has ever gone into labor naturally at 39, 40, 41 or even 42 weeks knows how challenging it is to wait for your body to be ready. But if you can, as Angela says, pray through your impatient moments and trust in the journey, it will definitely be worth it because your baby will be born when he or she is ready. The likelihood of complications is reduced, and the probability that your baby will be able to breastfeed well is increased.

From The Litter Box

Perfect Timing in Parenting

Often as parents we are eager for our children (especially the first one) to hit the next milestone, whether it is rolling over, crawling, taking a sippy cup, walking or starting to read. But it is so rewarding to just relax and enjoy the ride. You are on an amazing journey with your child; the scenery changes as you move forward, so be sure to drink in every moment. Don't be so focused on the next big step that you miss today's smile or new word. You are the only real expert on your baby, on your toddler, on your child, on your teen, so don't let somebody else's expectations force you and your child into a pace that isn't right for you.

One of the most rewarding things for a parent is seeing your child accomplish great things. A baby gaining weight on his mama's milk is doing something amazing! A toddler learning to put away his toys is accomplishing something really important. A young child sounding out his first words is on the verge of the amazing accomplishment of learning to read. Celebrate the moments of greatness in your child's life. It's a really big deal, so make sure that they know you are proud of them!

Tomorrow is my 9th grade son's awards assembly at school. I don't know what he will receive, but I've been invited, so he's getting something. You better believe I am taking off the afternoon because I want to celebrate his success! Look for ways to celebrate any victory your children have, however big or small it might be.

Perfect Timing in Life

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a mom employed outside the home, or a mompreneur, recognizing that the combination of a positive, optimistic attitude and a willingness to wait on the right timing is a critical key to genuine fulfillment. Every person has the potential for greatness. One of my deepest joys at A Nurturing Moment has been to see our moms taking leadership and creating opportunities for other mothers to get help, support and encouragement. These moms are doing great things at the right time in the right place. 

Wherever you are in life, you can do amazing things. Braiding your little girl's hair, nursing your chubby-cheeked little boy, reading "one more" bedtime story to your tired toddler, helping your frustrated fifth grader with her homework, taking cupcakes to lunch at your child's school - all of these are great things! Take just a minute today to enjoy and appreciate all that you are and have. Then smile at the future because you have even greater things to do tomorrow!

The Grief of Weaning Before You're Ready

John Carl, Anna and I at a La Leche League meeting in Lima, Peru.
He was already weaned by the time this was taken.

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
When I awakened throwing up at 4:00 in the morning on Friday, I assumed that the hamburger I had eaten the night before must have been bad. I spent the next several hours in the bathroom with increasing abdominal pain. We were headed to Atlanta for a missions conference with a church that we hoped would sign on as one of our supporting churches. My college friend Diane attended the church, and I was looking forward to catching up with her. Although this happened 13 years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday!

Around noon on Saturday we connected with Diane to check into the hotel the church had reserved for us. I told Diane about the pain I was having, and she took me to a walk-in clinic where the doctor said he thought it was viral, but it could be appendicitis. He told me to head to the ER if it got any worse.

That evening my husband headed off to a dinner at the church while I lay on the sofa in ever-increasing pain. My last baby who was 2 1/2 lay beside me much of the evening. He has always had a very sensitive nature, and he knew Mama didn't feel well. He nursed off and on that night. I don't think I had the presence of mind at the time to realize that would be our final time to nurse.

When Keith got back to the hotel later that night, I was feverish and felt like I was dying, so Diane said she would take care of the kids while Keith got me to the hospital. I did indeed have appendicitis, and after waiting several hours in the ER waiting room where I couldn't even sit up any more, I begged them to let me lie down and to do something for the pain. They got me on a gurney in the hall, and by 5:00 in the morning I was in surgery. Because of the delay, my appendix was about to rupture, so they couldn't remove it laparoscopically. I awoke some time on Sunday, but don't remember much about that day.

Monday morning came, and they discovered I had pneumonia. Keith brought the kids to see me, and we made the decision that since no one knew how long I would be in the hospital, the smartest thing for him to do was head back to Florida where he would have his mom available to help with the kids. My sweet John Carl crawled up in my bed and snuggled me, then I hugged everybody and they left. Even now 13 years later the sense of emptiness and loss I felt at that moment brings fresh tears to my eyes.

I knew that I would never nurse John Carl again. I realized that by the time I got home, what little milk I still had would be gone, and I also instinctively knew that recovering would take all my energy, so it really was the right time for us to wean. But I also knew that John Carl was my last baby. I had spent the last 13 years of my life pregnant and/or breastfeeding. I LOVED nursing my babies.

I picked up the hospital phone to call the IBCLC on duty, but didn't get an answer. Even though I was an IBCLC myself, I just wanted to talk to somebody who might understand how I was feeling. I ached inside as I grieved this abrupt and unexpected weaning.

Tuck a letter into baby's book. Someday your baby
will read it when he or she gives you a grandbaby!

Since then I have had the privilege of working with other mothers in similar situations who for one reason or another are faced with an untimely weaning. I have found that usually they just need to talk about it. They need someone to listen, to tear up with them, and to show compassionate understanding. However, I have also discovered the cathartic effect of writing, so I have a suggestion that I make to every mama who finds herself in this situation.

Write Baby a Letter

Write a letter to your child talking about your reasons for nursing, how you felt when you nursed him or her and why this was such a special relationship for you. Then write about the weaning and how you feel about that. You might even include nursing pictures of you and baby if you have them. Put the letter in an envelope addressed to your child, then tuck it in the baby book or memory box. When your child becomes a parent, you will be able to give that letter to him or her. It will be a treasure for both of you as your child is reminded of your incredible love and begins the journey of passing that love on to your grandbaby.

You will probably cry as your write the letter. That's okay. Weaning, especially when it is unplanned, can be emotionally devastating. But after the tears, you will be able to see that your life with your baby is entering a wonderful new phase. It just helps to get a little perspective, to allow yourself to feel the emotions, and to recognize that both you and baby will learn and grow together in new and different ways.

Each new stage of their lives brings new joys!

A Series of Weanings

Parenting really is nothing more than a series of weanings. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has as one of its definitions for weaning "to detach from a source of dependence."  As your child grows through various phases, your goal is to help him become increasingly independent in the healthiest way possible. You and your child will experience multiple "weanings" from going to school or going to a friend's home to spending the night with grandparents, to going away for a week to camp, to getting a driver's license, to leaving for college. With each successive separation, you may feel a twinge of grief, but if you have given your child a firm foundation and lots of love, you can trust that it's going to be just fine, and you can allow each new parenting adventure to bring a whole new set of joys into your life!

Your Video Recorder with Legs

This morning I was listening to Angela Chrysler on a conference call. She commented on a quote by Joel Osteen that had impacted her: "Your kids are like a video recorder with legs."

Take a minute to let that sink in. Your kids pick up on your moods, your emotions, your motivations. You can't tell them to do one thing or be one way when you don't live that way yourself. Do you complain about little things? Don't expect them not to complain. Do you treat others without respect? Don't expect them to be respectful. Do you use ugly language? Don't expect them not to.

Your kids are like a video recorder with legs

However, the converse is also true. Do you model respect? They will, too. Do you use loving words? You will hear those same words coming out of their little mouths. Do you pray about your life's circumstances? They will surprise you with the depth and innocence of their faith-filled prayers.

Just a couple of hours after hearing Angela's call this morning, a precious mom came into the store. A couple of months ago we sat in the back of my store praying for her unborn baby whom the doctors had told her to abort because of his chromosomal defect. They had told her he wouldn't live. But they had underestimated the power of God in her life. They had underestimated how fervently she, her husband and her children would pray for her unborn baby.

Trials are best handled with prayer

You see her little video recorders with legs have grown up knowing that trials are best handled with prayer. They have grown up seeing mom and dad trust God in difficult situations. And that is exactly how they have approached the situation with their little brother. He did survive! Although he does have some challenges that will be with him for life, his siblings thank the Lord daily for their baby brother. He will need open heart surgery when he is a little bigger; for now his big sister prays that God will "hold his broken heart together" until he has the surgery.

What  are your little video recorders with legs taking in as they watch you every day?

Repeat After Me, "I Don't Do Guilt!"

By Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
Before we had our blog, I wrote some blog-like notes on my Facebook page. I just came across this one from 2009 and thought it was VERY relevant, so I thought I would share it with you all.

From Research Frontier

Why are moms so prone to guilt? In the last week I've had a couple of long conversations with mothers who were feeling tremendous amounts of guilt. Interestingly enough, both of them had to do with breastfeeding (not surprising, actually, since I'm a lactation consultant.)

One mother needed to talk to me because she was struggling with her decision about when to wean. She's a terrific mom...really sort of a superwoman, like so many moms I see every day. She is mothering a precious baby, working at a demanding job, and taking care of home and hearth. She struggles with feeling guilty about the time she takes at work to pump, even though her job performance continues to be excellent. Her husband feels like pumping might be draining her and has suggested she wean. She doesn't really want to wean quite yet, but feels bad about not taking hubby's advice after she asked him for it. What a conundrum. 

As an IBCLC, my job is to support and encourage breastfeeding mothers, but each mother has to make her

From Grace Women's Ministry

own decision about how long she's going to nurse. So instead of trying to give her a bunch of options, though we did talk some about management, I focused on guilt. I asked her to make a point of telling herself each morning, "I don't do guilt!" I know she'll make the right decision for herself and her baby, but she doesn't need to feel guilty if that decision involves weaning before baby is a year old!

The second mother had lactation failure with her first baby. She has been pumping and trying very hard to develop a supply, but yesterday she brought her pump back. Depression has set in, and she feels terribly guilty for giving up. To make matters worse, she speaks very little English, and her doctor, who speaks no Spanish, insists she use a formula that doesn't seem to agree with her baby. She has begun taking antidepressants, but still feels overwhelmed by guilt. It doesn't help that her peers tell her the reason her baby is small is because she's not nursing. 

I think it would be very wrong for me to add to her guilt at this point. Instead, my job is to encourage her because she has tried so hard. I told her that breastfeeding is NOT what makes her a good mother. I reminded her that she was the expert on her baby, not the doctor and encouraged her to talk with the doctor (via translator) again. I don't know how much good I did, but I told her the same thing I told Mom 1: Tell yourself daily, "I don't do guilt."

It's taken me 49 years to learn this myself. I've done guilt all my life. My dad and stepmom spent years trying to help me learn the "I don't do guilt" lesson. It finally sunk in (more or less). Life is just too short to waste it on guilt. Unless a mother is truly a monster (like the Alabama mom who set her house on fire with her child inside), there just isn't any need for her to feel guilty. We all learn as we go, and children are unbelievably forgiving (at least before they become teens).

So if you are letting others make you feel guilty about breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, about co-sleeping or not co-sleeping, about working outside the home or not going back to your job, STOP! Repeat after me: "I DON'T DO GUILT!"

Life Is Good and the Terrific Twos!

One of the women I most admire!

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC

This morning I had the privilege of listening to a woman whom I have come to deeply admire, Angela Loehr Chrysler. She mentioned that one of her favorite product lines is Life Is Good because she is drawn to the optimistic attitudes of the founders, Bert and John Jacobs. They started from scratch and have built a brand out of optimism!

Now if you know me very well, you know that I am a "Glass is half-full" kind of gal. Even when things are cloudy, I'm out there looking for the silver lining that I KNOW has to be there! So even though I've seen the adorable Life Is Good line of products, I really paid attention when Angela mentioned them this morning.

She went on to talk about the importance of optimism in every area of our lives. She mentioned as an example her parenting experience. Instead of thinking of her daughter (who is now 9) as having gone through the "terrible twos," she thought of them as the "terrific twos"! Now that's my kind of parenting philosophy!

I don't know how much of the Attachment philosophy Angela embraces, and honestly, it doesn't really matter where you fall on the attachment spectrum when it comes to embracing each parenting moment. So how do the "terrific twos" differ from the "terrible twos"?  Let's look at some specific examples:

• Your two year old is whiny and demanding that you hold her.  A terrible two mom might think she's being spoiled and get frustrated or perhaps discipline her. A terrific two mom, on the other hand, will take a moment to ask herself a couple of questions: "Is my child tired? hungry? not feeling well? Have I been too busy to focus on her?" Usually there is a legitimate reason behind the whiny behavior. When you take a moment to really listen to your child's heart, you will figure it out. Rather than creating a spoiled, demanding child, you will create a child who knows she can communicate with you. In fact, you can begin to gently teach her non-whiny methods of communicating. 

• Your two year old bites, kicks or hits another child in play. A terrible two mom may be quick to spank or perhaps even "bite" her child back. However, a terrific two mom will be quick to remove her child from the situation and assess what is going on with him. Obviously he is frustrated about something. He must learn that biting, kicking and hitting are not acceptable behaviors. When he has behaviors like that, he will not be allowed to play anymore. She will focus on figuring out what lies behind his behavior and changing that situation.

• Your two year old throws a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because she wants
  
  you to buy her something. A terrible two mom may do one of two things: give in and buy it to get the kid to shut up, or discipline her harshly to make her stop. A terrific two mom might just stop right there and hold her tightly until she settles down. The solution may even involve leaving the store because Mom recognizes that her child is hungry, tired or not feeling well.

• Your two year old refuses to eat and actually throws the food you made on the ground. A terrible two mom might get angry and yell. Or she might just give in and give her something that she will eat. A terrific two mom, however, will understand that toddlers sometimes don't want to eat. Nevertheless, instead of going on to dessert, she will patiently and lovingly explain that little girls who don't eat their meals don't get dessert. That same food she threw down earlier will still be available when she's hungry.

So how do you view your toddler? How do you view life? Is Life Good? Is your glass half full? If so, you've probably got a TERRIFIC TWO year old!!

Now, I'm off to do some Christmas shopping at the Life Is Good online store!!

Words, Faith and the Mommy Wars

What a week for breastfeeding moms this past week has been! We've just completed World Breastfeeding Week, and I honestly can't recall a single week where so much has been written about mothers breastfeeding in public. Much of it has truly been constructive, but some things I've read (especially comments on articles), even from breastfeeding advocates have been filled with inflammatory language and insults.

Unfortunately when it comes to areas where mothers are prone to disagree, many women feel threatened and end up hurling abusive language at the other side without regard to what damage their words might cause. Whether the debate is over breastfeeding, scheduling, parenting style, mothers working outside the home or any other aspect of being a mother, it seems very difficult for some women to see that there are MANY good ways to be a mother.

Accepting and Supporting Each Other Despite our Differences

Recently several mothers have come up with a unique campaign that we would all do well to embrace. Breastfeeding mothers actively show support to their formula feeding counterparts, and vice versa. Some would be quick to say, "How can we support the decision to formula feed when breast is so much better?" Perhaps we need to take a moment to consider the fact that some mothers really do struggle with supply. Rarely, a baby may actually have a health condition that precludes breastfeeding. Unless you know all the details of a mother's struggle, you really can't understand her decision. I have worked with moms who did everything in their power to make more milk, but still had to rely on 1 or 2 formula bottles a day. I guarantee you that those moms did NOT love their babies any less than the mom who was exclusively breastfeeding!

So how do we approach potentially volatile parenting topics? When someone criticizes or questions a parenting choice you've made, how should you respond? If a friend or family member chooses a different style of parenting than yours, what do you say?

First of all, it's important to know WHY you are parenting the way you are. If you have it settled in your mind, and you know that what you are doing is the best for your baby, then you don't need to feel insecure or attacked when someone else does something different.

Secondly, remember that every baby is different, and every family dynamic is different. You are the expert on your baby, just as your friend is the expert on her baby. Trust yourself to do what is best for your little one, but also trust other mothers you know to make wise, well-thought out choices that work for their families. 

It's What You Say AND How You Say It!

I am unabashedly Christian in my world-view, so that definitely affects the way I approach conflict. However, whether you believe the Bible or not, there are some incredible nuggets of wisdom that can help guide all of us through the murky waters of the Mommy Wars. The Bible has a lot to say about our speech that we would do well to consider in this debate.

My youngest child just started high school last week. He's been at Westminster Christian Academy his entire life, but this year we have a new Head of School. In a letter to parents before school began Mr. Bartley set forth three principles that he hoped would guide communication between everyone in the WCA school family in the coming year. They were so outstanding that I asked his permission to share them here with you. As you think about each of these principles in the context of the Mommy Wars, imagine what a change we would see in our culture if we actually began to apply them! Mr. Bartley's words are in bold.

1.     Do not boast or defend yourself but rather talk humbly and repent peacefully.
Do not brag or try to show how great you are; if criticized or if you fail in some way, take responsibility calmly for your part and don't point to what aided your error.
"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." Galatians 6:14 

Can you imagine how amazing it would be if instead of trying to defend ourselves and our choices, we just left it at a simple explanation. NO bragging necessary!

2.     Do not talk unkindly of others but rather affirm and sincerely praise others.
Don't cut anyone down to others or to their face; find sincere ways to compliment people.  When criticism must be done, lovingly attack the flaw, not the person.
"If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:15  

From Encouraging Treats by Nicole

Wouldn't it be awesome if we NEVER said anything ugly or unkind about another mother behind her back? What if we looked for things to affirm in other moms even when they do things differently than we do? If there really is an issue that is truly putting baby at risk, then lovingly share the research - not in a militant "my way is the ONLY way" manner, but with a sincere compassion for that mama and her baby.

3.     Do not complain or murmur but rather express gratitude and praise.
Don't murmur against life as if it were not a gift laced with many mercies.  This is not "Pollyanna" optimism, but a putting of all things in the context of God's grace.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is...joy, peace, patience...faithfulness, gentleness..." Galatians 5:22-23                            

 Oh if we could just learn not to complain!!! Motherhood is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us, and we need to embrace it joyfully and thankfully. If you believe that you are parenting in the best way possible, then take every opportunity to show gratitude. Be sure to thank those who have helped you along the way in this journey of motherhood!

The Power of Your Words

Christian artist Hawk Nelson has a great song about this topic! One line of the song says

"Words can build you up, 

Words can break you down"

How true this is! So when you are talking with other moms, be sure that you choose words that build up, not words that tear down! If faith truly is an integral part of your life, make sure your words show it!

Late Night Advice for Tired New Mommies

My kids are all in their teens and twenties...and I still have some late nights with them. But I remember well the days when I was up in the middle of the night....the days when the baby sleeping next to me wanted to nurse all night long....the days when morning came way too fast and I was just exhausted. So the other night I asked our ANM moms what advice they would give to a tired new mommie at 11:00 at night. We got some terrific responses that should help any new mama struggling with sleep deprivation!

Sleep When You Can

Snatching sleep anywhere you can was a common theme.  K. suggested, "If they are nursing, try to nurse while laying down. I would cat nap while my daughter nursed once I found out she would nurse while we both lay on our sides. Those micronaps saved me!"

R. said, "Take a deep breath - this too shall pass.  Oh, and forget the housework - SLEEP!"  

B. added, "Sleep every time baby sleeps - the laundry can wait!"

M. offered this advice: " Do whatever it takes to get some sleep. Whether that's putting baby in bed with you, in a separate sleep space, or asking dad to tend to baby until baby's ready to eat again. Whatever works. Take a nap tomorrow, too, at least one. Don't worry about the dishes or the laundry or sweeping the floor; it will all still be there when you aren't feeling so tired.

A. said, "Nap when your baby naps, eat when your baby eats (if you can), breathe, get something to drink and think of something relaxing or watch TV." 

S. offered this very practical suggestion:  "Cosleep and read The No Cry Sleep Solution. It helped me to understand sleep better in general...and to be more realistic. Pantley explains it so well!"

L. proferred these words of encouragement:" At some point, they do start sleeping through the night!"  

Use Your Support Network

Several moms pointed out the importance of taking advantage of any help you can get.  E. said, "It's okay to ask for help from a family member or friend!" 

T. added, "This is not forever. you can handle this. Maybe through tears and most likely with some much-appreciated help, but you can handle this. Make sure you've had some food and lots of water, and crawl in bed the moment you can."   

A. had this to say, "If you can, take a mini-break for yourself once a dy. It could be as simple as going to buy a coke BY YOURSELF with no noise and no one to take care of. It could just be taking a bath or shower. Little breaks help you stay sane. And everyone has days where they put baby in Dad's arms and say 'I can't do it any more right now.' Take a break and you can do it again. My first was colicky...sometimes you have to put them down in their bed and walk away for a minute. The best thing to do is surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. It's a hard job, but it's the best job and only you can do it as well as you can, because YOU are MOM!" 

Create a No-Guilt. No-Stress Zone

One of our mantras at A Nurturing Moment is "We don't do guilt!"  S. had this to say: "It's okay if you are frustrated or angry...don't feel guilty -- it doesn't make you a bad mommy or mean you love your baby any less. You will feel better after you get a little bit of rest!"  

Image from womenshealth.gov.

H. offered this advice: "If you or baby can't sleep (particularly if baby is nursing at short intervals all night long), make yourself a little "nest" someplace like the recliner; get comfy, play your favorite movies/tv shows (or load your Kindle with a great book), and hang in there.  Sleep will happen before too long. In the meantime, try not to stress, and know that this too shall pass. Any you'l probably look back and freak out that it's passed so quickly!" 

G. added, "It's really hard to enjoy something when you can barely function. It is worth enjoying; it IS exhausting, and whatever you are feeling is real. If baby is screaming, put her down in a safe place, go pee, get a drink of water, maybe a bite of chocolate, and relax. The go back and be a mommy again." 

E. offered this encouragement: "Trust yourself. You're doing great!"

Treasure These Moments 

Many of our moms talked about how quickly time passes and suggested looking for the good in this situation.  

C. said, "Enjoy the snuggle time and soak it all up because they grow up way too fast." 

G. added,"Time flies by...blink and they grow. You won't be nursing them at 11:00 pm for very long." 

P. suggested a wonderful post from her blog, Adaptive Mom and said, "Enjoy every moment. You will miss these moments someday."  

Darius Rucker with his 4 year old son, Jack

R. had this to say: "Enjoy it!!! It will be over soon and will never happen again; she will be on to a new chapter in her life and will laugh about it one day!"  

B. said, "It won't be like this for long!"  and K. added, "It gets way more fun!"

M. concluded with these words of wisdom: "I would tell her to take advantage of the quiet and alone time with just you and baby when those late night sessions come around. I loved when it was just me and baby up while everyone else was sleeping...it was our alone time to just snuggle. No getting water for the other kids, no expectations from anyone else. Just us. Make the most of it."  

Bullying, Self Esteem and Breastfeeding

Charla Maclin from Koko and Friends

I just received a Facebook note from a young woman who is a former student of mine. I was her tenth grade English teacher at Westminster Christian Academy. I had no idea that she had been bullied as a child. As I read it, I recognized some of the same hurt that I have seen in one of my own daughters who was deeply hurt by the cruel words of classmates even at a Christian school.

It led me to think about what we could have done to prevent the hurt my daughter experienced. We did everything we could to create a strong attachment when she was an infant. There was never a time when she didn't know how much she was loved.  She nursed well into toddlerhood. She was a delightful, obedient, amazing little girl!

But when she was eight years old, her world was turned upside down through no fault of her own. We moved from Lima, Peru, where she had grown up, back to the United States. It was a difficult, depressing time for our whole family.

When one little girl began saying cruel things to our daughter on a regular basis in third grade, we didn't understand just how deeply it affected her. Like Charla, the young woman who wrote the Facebook note, she hid her hurt well for quite a while. But it took an incredible toll on her self-esteem. I was so busy teaching and trying to hold everything together, and her daddy was just trying to heal, so we didn't have anything extra to give at that point. Her self-esteem plummeted.

So what does all this have to do with breastfeeding? Simply this - during the first years of her life we established an incredible bond. Although we have had some deeply turbulent years, she would say that the early bond we established has helped her through some of the deepest times. Extended breastfeeding is certainly NOT a cure-all for all ills or an inoculation against teen angst. But combined with love, boundaries and lots of prayer, it can certainly help lay a solid foundation.

Let Us Know What You Think

Our goal at A Nurturing Moment is to provide you with the support and encouragement you need as you go through your pregnancy and embark on your parenting journey. We do that by providing support groups like Mommy Milk Meet-up and New and Expectant Parents' Meet-up. We also offer a variety of classes including breastfeeding, prenatal yoga, infant massage, childbirth and Music Together.  Our two International Board Certified Lactation Consultants are available to help you any time you have a breastfeeding problem. We'll listen to your concerns and give you advice over the phone, or you can make an appointment to come into the store for a consultation. We'll even come to you, if that would be easier! One of us is available 24/7. If the store is closed, you can call Glenni's cell phone at 256-658-8210.

We also try to provide the products that will make breastfeeding - and parenting in general - easier. From the Woombie swaddler to the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper, our products are designed to help you provide the very best, safest environment for your little one. That's why we only carry GreenGuard Certified cribs and crib mattresses - we want you  to know that when you buy an ANM product, it is the best available for your family!

Your feedback helps us know what we're doing right and what we need to do better. That's why we're having a contest this week encouraging you to leave your feedback. Our listing at Google places has a special place for you to leave a review. Please take just a moment to let us know what you think, then check it off in the contest below. You'll be entered to win some fun prizes that you and baby are sure to enjoy!

Grandma Time

Since our move to our new location, our Grandma traffic has increased. I think it's because of our proximity to Victoria's Cafe, a perennial favorite with ladies of all ages in Huntsville! At any rate, I love it when ladies about my age come in and eagerly search for the perfect gift item. It's really fun to see their excitement about their grandbabies.

I love to engage them in conversation and hear all about the pregnant daughter or daughter-in-law, or the new baby who has just joined the family. Those who are grandmothers-to-be for the very first time joyfully anticipate stepping into this new season of life. They can't wait to be part of that baby's life.

And unfortunately, therein lies the problem for some new moms. Every mother wants the chance to parent her baby the way she feels is best. There is a lot of  information available today that wasn't available 20 or 30 years ago. What your mother or mother-in-law did may not be exactly what you want to do. Perhaps your mother-in-law didn't breastfeed and can't imagine why you want to. Every time your baby cries, she assumes he's hungry and urges you to give him formula. Or maybe your mother thinks you are spoiling your baby by wearing her and picking her up when she cries.

It is extremely challenging for a new mother to get conflicting advice on every side. While you don't want to alienate your mother or mother-in-law, you do want to help her understand your need to parent your way and, if necessary, learn from your own mistakes just like she did. There are several things you can do to reassure her that you want her to be part of your baby's life while simultaneously letting her know you need your space.

• If you're breastfeeding, give her a copy of an article written just for grandmothers about nursing
• If you are focused on having an attached relationship with your infant, and the grandmothers don't understand, Dr. Jim Sears has some helpful words
• Sometimes giving her something meaningful to do can help. Ask your parents or in-laws to focus on the legacy they leave as grandparents by encouraging them to chronicle their lives for your children in a special journal
• Write a letter affirming her and letting her know specifically how she can help you as a new mother
• Feel free to send (or bring) her to ANM where we'll gently affirm what a great job you're doing as a mom, and help Grandma relax a little bit.

Whether you're a mom or a grandma, remember that kind, encouraging words are wonderful building blocks for life-long relationships. Be sure to use plenty of them as you interact with the most important people in your life!