Your Secret Weapon for Breastfeeding Success

From the NPR Morning Edition, June 26, 2017

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC

Yesterday NPR (National Public Radio) ran a fascinating story about breastfeeding mothers in Namibia. It is really worth taking a few minutes to listen to it.  It turns out that mothers there struggle with breastfeeding just like mothers in the United States do. They get sore nipples; they may have supply problems; they have to learn to breastfeed just like American moms do. However, they have a huge advantage that the vast majority of US moms do not have: a culture of breastfeeding.

The Grandmother Factor

This article explains in detail how the Himba people in the northern desert of Namibia have a culture that makes breastfeeding work. They live in mud huts, and babies are born at home, so there is no separation of mother and baby after birth for medical procedures. Their maternal and infant mortality rates are both high. For every 100,000 births, 265 mothers die, and or every 1000 live births 36 babies die. Obviously, I am not advocating giving birth in a mud hut as a solution to our breastfeeding problems. And even Himba mothers do struggle with learning how to breastfeed.

When 17 year old Bethany had her baby, her mother
supported her and taught her how to breastfeed.

But that is where they have the amazing "Grandmother" factor. Himba mothers actually go in the third trimester of pregnancy to the compound where their own mother lives. The new grandmother sleeps in the hut with mother and baby, even serving as an alarm clock to awaken the new mother and remind her to nurse. The grandmother teaches the new mother how to position the baby, how to help baby get the best latch possible, how to safely sleep with baby, and all the other little details necessary for parenting. The new mother remains with her mother for several months following the birth.

In the US we have a generation of great-grandmothers whose doctors told them that formula was the best way to feed a baby. Their daughters who are now grandmothers likely had no support for breastfeeding from either their mothers or the medical community. This lack of help often spelled lactation failure for that generation of mothers. Those who persisted are able to support their daughters in an amazing way, and usually those daughters benefit from their wisdom.

A grandmother who can help with breastfeeding is a treasure.

But there is another glaring obstacle that mothers in the US face. They are expected to jump right back into the routines of life within days or weeks after giving birth. I have worked with mothers who had to return to work or school as little as 2 weeks after giving birth. They aren't even able to give their bodies time to recover, let alone get breastfeeding well-established. The scant 6 weeks that so many employers deem as "generous" maternity leave is actually the bare minimum to move a mother beyond the post-partum period. Employers who allow 12 weeks are much more in tune with what mother and baby both need.

Another big difference between our culture and the Himba culture is the normalization of breastfeeding within the society. There it is completely expected that mothers will feed babies at the breast. Although there is some supplementation with goat's milk when mothers don't have enough milk, it is not the normal way to feed a baby in that culture. In contrast, new mothers here often feel uncomfortable and embarrassed about breastfeeding their babies with anyone else around. We do not have a breastfeeding culture here where children grow up seeing breastfeeding as the normal method of infant feeding.

Lessons We Can Learn from the Himba People

So how can we take this information and use it to increase breastfeeding success among US mothers? I see several ways in which we can learn from the Himba culture.

Skin-to-skin contact during the early days is
critically important for Mother and Baby.

1. Mothers and babies should NOT be separated at birth for any reason unless there is a genuine medical reason. Many hospitals have implemented policies to protect the Golden Hour because the evidence clearly points to improved outcomes when mothers and babies have this uninterrupted time together immediately after birth until after the first feed. 
2. Mothers and babies should have as much skin-to-skin contact as possible in the early post partum period. Research shows that this elevates hormone levels which increase mother/baby bonding. It also helps milk come in faster and increases the rate of breastfeeding success.
3. Mothers need to go home to somebody who will take care of them as they are learning to care for and feed their babies. This person needs to be supportive of breastfeeding, ideally having breastfed herself. Mothers need several weeks of this encouraging care and support. If a supportive grandmother, sister, aunt or close friend is not available to fill this role, a postpartum doula is an option. A Nurturing Moment actually offers a postpartum support package that provides some of this kind of ongoing support to new moms who don't have a grandmother/sister/friend to help out. It is very interesting to note that in the NPR broadcast yesterday morning they actually mentioned IBCLC's as an alternative for mothers who don't have "the Grandmother factor."

   

   India has a mandated 6 month maternity leave!

4. Our lawmakers need to get serious about providing a minimum of 12-16 weeks maternity leave to employees. As a small business owner, I understand the hardships that can cause, but as a lactation consultant, I see daily the hardships caused by the lack of adequate maternity leave. Research as well as the experiences of mothers and companies in the rest of the world have clearly shown the benefits of making sure that a strong maternal leave policy is implemented across society. 
5. From their earliest days, children need to see breastfeeding as the normal way that babies are fed. Children's books should feature pictures of babies nursing, not getting a bottle. Mothers should try to expose their children to other breastfeeding mothers, explaining that this is how babies are designed to be fed. Science classes at the elementary level should include breastfeeding in their curriculum when children are learning about mammals. At the secondary level, breastfeeding should be included in instruction about reproduction and family planning. A breastfeeding culture is built by one mother and baby at a time normalizing infant feeding at the breast. I am optimistic that together this generation of mothers can make that happen!

How NOT to Help a New Mother!

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC

You'll find some constructive ways to help a new mom here!

A few days ago I was helping a new mother nurse her baby as she recounted how a friend had come by her house while she was still in the hospital and "cleaned up." She expressed her aggravation that her friend had moved important papers, misplaced things she needed, and totally rearranged stacks of baby clothes that she had carefully organized. She never asked her friend to clean up for her; in fact, if her friend had simply taken a moment to ask if it was all right to straighten up, the new mother would have said, "No, thank you."

She isn't the only ANM mother who has experienced the frustration of "Help" that causes problems.  One mother said,  " I had a friend come and help clean up my house right after my baby was born and 'file away' in the closet the only card I had with the pediatrician's phone number. I went into hyper panic mode when I went to find it and couldn't."


Another mother relates what happened to her this way:  "When our son arrived at not quite 38 weeks, we were in the middle of cleaning and organizing so hubby's  family came to 'help' while we were in the hospital. Yeah, the living room, kitchen and bedrooms were 'clear' but no one dusted or actually cleaned, and they merely moved everything into our guest room which was piled up with whatever 'didn't have a place' to them. And paint cans, shoes and a few other items were just put outside on our deck....in July. Ruined a pair of shoes my late mother gave me...ruined leftover paint...Took us over a year to 'fix' the mess and find things. Over two years later I still find things shoved places and I fuss at my dh who reminds me who the REAL culprits were. This time I am making sure everything is spic and span, and if they want to help, then they can actually CLEAN, not move our stuff to 'help'! They also helped with stocking the fridge, but this time I will also have a detailed 'what we keep or need in the house' list since hubby is gluten-free, and last time we ended up with foods that neither of us ate." She adds that no one actually came to help AFTER their son was born, and it would have been nice to have some help then!

Check out these terrific suggestions

It seems that grandmothers are the worst offenders (Note to self, remember the Grandma Rules at all times). You won't believe some of the problems grandmothers have caused: "My mother washed all our kids' laundry while we were away on a weekend trip...she was so proud that she "finished off" the small bag of ecosprouts we had hanging out in the laundry room(she had no idea we only used it to launder cloth diapers)! The only problem was we then had nothing to wash the dirty diapers we brought home from the trip!"

Another grandmother offered kitchen help that wasn't so helpful: "My mother kept unloading my
dishwasher and if she didn't know where something belonged, she would just pick a place that made sense to her. Took us FOREVER to find the colander!"

A third mom wrote that " My mom does this every time she visits. The worst thing she ever misplaced was the week before Christmas. I had bought my husband a new wedding band and had it engraved. She 'put it somewhere safe' without telling me and couldn't remember where she put it! Thank goodness I found it on Christmas Eve buried in my HUSBAND'S underwear drawer!"

How CAN You Help?

Obviously with so many moms expressing frustration caused by well-intentioned helpers, we need to figure out what you CAN do to help a new mom. Some safe options include food preparation (be sure you know if there are dietary restrictions), child care for older children, and running errands. The key is to ask the new mother exactly WHAT she would like  you to do. Remember that this isn't about you, it's about her and her needs.

La Leche League leader Stephanie Stenmark offers excellent advice to anyone who wants to help out: "Never move paper work, and always ask if you don't know for sure where they put something. Really just stick to laundry, wiping counter surfaces, bathrooms, vacuuming and mopping. Never try to organize someone else's belongings!"  

What is the best thing someone could do to help you with a new baby?

Grandma Rules

Nicholas turned one today!

by Glenni Lorick, IBCLC
One year ago today my oldest daughter gave me the most amazing gift ever, my first grandchild! I've thought a lot about this marvelous first year of Nicholas' life. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching my daughter be a mother. I love hearing the little voice she saves just for Nicholas. Her face lights up just talking about him. This year has given me a wonderful new appreciation and respect for her.

Here at A Nurturing Moment I work with a lot of young moms - some younger than my daughter and some older. I see many amazing grandmothers come in with their daughters and grandbabies. Most of the time, the grandmother is incredibly supportive of the daughter.

Sometimes, however, I will see a mom who is truly upset because her mother (or perhaps it's her mother-in-law) doesn't think she's doing a good-enough job. I decided to address this issue with a few "Grandma Rules" because it is heartbreaking for the new mother. She really longs for her own mother's approval. Sometimes it's so bad that the new mother feels she has to put some distance between herself and her mother (or mother-in-law.) That just leads to more hurt feelings, misunderstandings and perhaps ugly words.

Grandma's Role

Whether you like it or not, if you're the grandmother, then your job is to support and encourage the mother. Maybe she isn't doing things the way you would do them. SO WHAT??? This is her baby! You had your turn at being a mother, now it's her turn. She is the expert on her baby, not you! Your job is to support and encourage her. If you disagree with something she's doing, it's fine to gently make a suggestion, but then leave her alone. You raised her to be the woman she is, so have some confidence in her abilities!

After 24 hours of labor, Sarah got her epidural and felt great!

I love my daughter very much, but she certainly is not my clone! We have very different views in several areas:

• Childbirth: I am a huge advocate of natural, unmedicated birth. I had a bad epidural experience and three amazing natural births.  Sarah, on the other hand, was all about getting that epidural. She woke up in labor at 3:00 am on May 1 and had progressively stronger contractions throughout the day. We headed to the hospital around midnight. After a horrible night of labor (with her mother who was there to support her snoring loudly on the pull-out bed next to her), she really needed the relaxation the epidural afforded her. It was her choice, and she had the birth she wanted. I was thrilled for her!
• Breastfeeding: I'm a IBCLC and nursed all my kids at least two years. Sarah wanted very much to breastfeed, but because Nicholas  was 7 weeks premature, they didn't get off to a good start. But boy could she pump! She pumped religiously for him for 4 months. At that point she was just ready to be done. I told her how proud I was of her for giving Nicholas 4 months worth of liquid gold. 



Nicholas was just 3lb. 6oz. when he was born
and spent 5 weeks in the NICU.

• Nighttime Parenting: From the time Sarah was 6 months old (and we discovered Dr. Sears) we co-slept. All of our babies were in our bed and we loved it. Nicholas slept in his parents' room for the first few months after he came home, but then they moved him upstairs to his crib where he slept through the night quite well. There were certainly nights when he was in their room, but he seems to really like being in his crib. My daughter is the expert on her baby and knows what he needs.

Nourish Your Relationships

Grandmothers have several very important relationships to nurture.

Spouse:  The first and most important is with grandpa, if he's in the picture. Those who are blessed enough to have made it 25+ years in their marriage need to continue cherishing and building that relationship.

Child: The next critical relationship is the one with your own child. If your daughter is the new mother, she is probably really longing for your support and affirmation. She needs to know that you think she's doing a good job. Remember when mothering was brand new for you? Remember how uncertain you were? Even when she's grown the most important thing you can give your daughter is unconditional love and affirmation.

I love being with my daughter and grandson!

Maybe you didn't breastfeed, but you can still support her in her decision to nurse her baby. If you feel like she's making lifestyle choices that are truly dangerous (drug use, ignoring her baby, etc.) then you absolutely need to confront her and intervene if necessary. But feeding method and parenting style are NOT in the category of dangerous lifestyle choices.

If your son is the new dad, you need to recognize that your daughter-in-law probably has a special bond with her own mother. Allow her to invite you in; don't push your way in. Be there to support and encourage, but don't try to manage their lives. If you do, you may find that you cause serious damage to your relationship with your son.

Grandchild: This is the fun, wonderful relationship where you get to indulge, love and maybe even

spoil your precious grandchild just a little bit. However, be mindful of the boundaries his parents have set. If his mom doesn't want to start solids until he's at least 6 months, then don't try to sneak in a little rice cereal just because you think he's ready for it. If she doesn't want him to have sugar, then don't give him a cookie when he's at your house. If you make an effort to do things her way and respect her parenting method, it will make things much easier on your grandchild. He won't be confused as he gets older.

Grandbaby snuggles rock!

Don't ever say anything negative about either of his parents - even if they're not together any more. Growing up as a child of divorce is hard enough without having a grandparent spouting venom about one of your parents! Your job as a grandparent is to love your grandchild, give him a safe home away from home, and support his parents in all you say and do!

If you follow these simple "Grandma Rules," you'll find yourself surrounded by children who really appreciate you and grandchildren who absolutely adore you! After all, Grandma Rules!!

You Can Help Your Breastfed Grandbaby!!

Congratulations! Your daughter or daughter-in-law has chosen to breastfeed your grandbaby, providing the very best start in life! Maybe she is following the example that you set when you breastfed. Or perhaps you didn't breastfeed and are wondering why she has made this decision. Either way, here is what you need to know!

Why Breastfeed?

There are many reasons that mothers decide to breastfeed. Here are just a few:

•  Breastmilk is the ideal infant food. It is perfectly designed to meet all of your grandbaby's nutritional requirements. Furthermore, as he grows, his mother's milk will change to meet his changing needs. It truly is a miracle food. When his mother catches a cold or is exposed to a virus, her body makes antibodies which he receives every time he nurses. That's one reason why breastfed babies are statistically healthier than their formula fed counterparts.
• Breastfeeding is convenient and inexpensive. Your grandbaby's mother has made an economically sound decision by breastfeeding him. She is saving an average of $200 a month in formula costs. Even is she buys a state-of-the-art breast pump and has a lactation consultant come to her home, she will still save at least $1500 during the first year of her baby's life! Furthermore, she can nurse anywhere, any time. She doesn't have to stop to mix formula and make sure it's the right temperature. Breastmilk is always available and always the right temperature!
• Breastfeeding is good for the mother. When she nurses her baby, hormonal cues help her uterus clamp down quickly to avoid excessive bleeding. She will regain her pre-pregnancy figure more quickly, even though she continues eating for two. Furthermore, women who breastfeed for at least a year have a reduced incidence of pre-menopausal breast cancer.  It also offers protection against ovarian cancer and osteoporosis. Finally, the hormones oxytocin and prolactin which make breastfeeding work also help mothers to be more relaxed and to feel more motherly.
• Breastfeeding provides wonderful bonding opportunities. When your daughter or daughter-in-law nurses your grandbaby, she is creating a deep bond with him that only exists between a nursing mother and her child. That doesn't mean that a mother who formula feeds isn't bonded to her child. However, the breastfeeding mother has a hormonal bond that is unlike any other.

What You Need to Know About Breastfeeding (but didn't know to ask...)

• Breastmilk is supplied on a "demand/supply" basis -- the more a baby demands, the more his mother will supply.
• Breastmilk is designed to be absorbed quickly by an infant's intestine. Therefore breastfed babies need to nurse every 2 - 3 hours. A newborn will nurse 8 - 12 times in 24 hours. This is normal. It doesn't mean that he's starving. It means that he is doing what he's supposed to do! 
• In order to make enough milk, Mom needs to get sufficient rest.
• A breastfed baby shouldn't have an artificial nipple or a pacifier until breastfeeding is well established. Some babies may become confused and not nurse correctly when they have something artificial introduced too early.
• Stress or fatigue will affect the mother's ability to produce milk. The hormones involved in breastfeeding are affected by adrenaline which is produced by stress. So it is important to help the new mother remain as stress-free as possible.
• Babies go through growth spurts when it seems like all they want to do is nurse. That doesn't mean that Mom doesn't have enough milk. She just needs to nurse him as often as he needs to nurse. Typical growth spurt times are 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months. However, any time a healthy baby starts nursing more frequently, he may be in a growth spurt. Mom needs to rest as much as possible and nurse frequently. A growth spurt may last from 3 to 7 days.
• Breastfed babies don't need any other food until they are 6 months old. When they show signs of readiness for solids, then they can begin. Dr. William Sears has some great advice on this topic.

What You Can Do to Help

 When a grandmother realizes how wonderful breastfeeding is for both her grandbaby and his mother, she will be eager to do all she can to support them both. Remember, that a you can help make or break the breastfeeding relationship. When you encourage your daughter or daughter-in-law in the following ways, you will contribute to her success!

• Protect her privacy. Try to ensure that she gets the rest she needs, especially while she's still in the hospital. If well-meaning friends or relatives want to visit before she's ready, help her husband run interference. In fact, you might suggest to extended family members that they wait until the new family gets home to visit. Make sure you understand the boundaries that she wants enforced ahead of time. 
• Please don't get your feelings hurt if Mom and Dad just want to bond with baby alone during the first hours in the hospital. This is a critical time for getting breastfeeding established. If they ask for it, give them their space. 
• Go to bat for her. If others make negative comments about her breastfeeding, stand up for her. Tell them how proud of her you are. Never indulge in negativity about breastfeeding yourself.
• If you breastfed successfully, tactfully offer your help, but understand if she doesn't want it. Remember that this is all about her and the baby, not about you.
• Offer to help with meals or the house. A great gift would be several months' worth of maid service.
• If she has other children, keep them occupied. This can be their special time with Grandma. Their mother will be eternally grateful to you for making them feel important and freeing her up to focus on the baby.
• If you think she might be having breastfeeding problems, help her find a lactation consultant.

If both sets of in-laws live close to the new parents, both grandmothers can take turns helping. Don't allow your feelings to get hurt if the new mother calls on the other grandmother instead of you for something. However, if in-laws live out of town, then it might be a good idea to plan for the new mother's parents to come first; then the new father's parents can come a little later.

Having a grandbaby is truly a blessing, so make the most of this opportunity! Enjoy every moment with him, but remember that your job now is to support and encourage the new family in every way possible!

Action Step 2: Fathers and Grandmothers

We're continuing our focus on the Surgeon General's Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding.  Today's focus is one that is near and dear to our hearts. I was blessed to have a husband who was very supportive of my breastfeeding efforts, even in the early days when I was struggling. My mother didn't live close by, but she had breastfed me, and was very encouraging as well.

Today's action step focusing on fathers and grandmothers is found on page 39 of the Surgeon General's document.

Action 2. Develop programs to educate fathers and grandmothers about breastfeeding

A woman’s decision to breastfeed is strongly inluenced by the beliefs and attitudes of her family and friends. Unfortunately, family and friends may discourage a mother from breastfeeding if it is not accepted within their culture. Often, when a mother is thinking about how to feed her baby, she values the advice of her partner the most, followed by the advice of her mother, family, and friends. In fact, she often values their advice more than the advice of health care professionals.

Partners are particularly important because their approval means so much to a mother, and her partner is often a mother’s primary source of support. Although fathers want the best for their family, they may become jealous or resentful or get the feeling that they will not be able to bond with their child if their partner chooses to breastfeed. he baby’s grandmothers are also very influential because mothers who have recently given birth rely on them for support and advice. To make breastfeeding successful, mothers need the support and encouragement of all of these people.

Implementation Strategies 

Launch or establish campaigns for breastfeeding education that target a mother’s primary support network, including fathers and grandmothers. Local campaigns can use print, billboard, radio, and television public service announcements that feature members of a specific population for more effective reach.

Offer classes on breastfeeding that are convenient for family members to attend. Educational materials and classes that are directed toward fathers and grandmothers need to be developed to attract and involve this extended support network. To encourage the participation of family and friends, consideration should be given to involving churches, civic organizations, health clubs, community centers, and schools because these venues may be more accessible than health care institutions. Offering classes during a variety of hours and days also may improve participation.

Getting Involved

At A Nurturing Moment we believe in supporting the entire family unit. We encourage fathers to come to our breastfeeding classes and talk to them specifically about their role in supporting a wife who is nursing a baby. 

We also view grandmothers as very important! This document can be printed and given to any grandmother to help her know how she can help her grandchild receive the optimal nutrition provided by breast milk. Grandmothers are always welcome at our Mommy Milk Meet-up group meetings. If you need us to give Grandma some special encouragement, just let us know, and we'll be happy to help! We are looking at beginning a Grandparents Class. Let us know how you think that would go over. We'd love your input!

I'm a Gigi!

I changed my name this week. I'm no longer just Glenni or Mom. On Wednesday at 1:35 pm I became Gigi to the most precious little boy ever, Nicholas Sebastian Velasquez. My daughter Sarah was 34 weeks pregnant when she gave birth, but she had been in and out of Huntsville Hospital for Women and Children for the last month with preterm labor.

The first time she went in she was 30 weeks, bleeding and cramping. The L & D staff was absolutely fabulous. Sarah stayed for nearly a week, got steroid shots, and had strict instructions to stay in bed. During her time there, Jennifer who works with NICU parents came to see her as did Cindy, the NICU lactation consultant. She was also able to tour the NICU with Judy (who ended up being one of Nicholas' nurses) and get all her questions answered about what would happen if the baby did come early.  A week later she was back to L & D for a night. 

Last Monday when she went to the doctor for her check-up, she told him that her contractions were waking her up at night. He gave her some Ambien so she could get some rest, but said he felt like she'd probably have the baby this week.

The Ambien worked really well Monday night. She slept from 10:30 until 4:00 am. At 4:00 Tuesday her contractions jolted her awake.By Tuesday afternoon she was using a birthing ball to help her manage the discomfort from her contractions. Tuesday night we headed back to L & D for a third and final time.

When Nicholas was born there were two NICU nurses in the room waiting to care for him. His apgar scores were terrific - 9 and 8. So Sarah and Enrique did get to hold him for a few minutes before they took him up to the NICU. On the way to her room on the 5th floor, Sarah got to see Nicholas again in the NICU. Touching his soft skin and head full of hair brought tears of joy.

I can't say enough about how wonderful the doctors, nurses and personnel have been. Kelly, Lori, Emry, Amy, Melissa, Judy, and Stacy all merit special thanks for their terrific, compassionate care of both mother and baby. It's a blessing knowing that even though Sarah isn't there, Nicholas has round-the-clock care by such loving nurses. 

I'm also very thankful for my own firsthand experience with these incredible care-givers. For years, A Nurturing Moment has had a special relationship with Crestwood - we provide their breastpump rental, and years ago I was involved in writing their breastfeeding protocol. Up to this point I've had more first-hand knowledge about the terrific quality of care for moms and babies at Crestwood. Now I have first-hand knowledge about both hospitals! Now when I tell mothers that both hospitals are great, I have the experience with both to back it up. 

First Things First This Year

Let's face it, parents today are under tremendous time pressure. Mothers have a million things to do, and there are only so many hours in a day. Often in the middle of our crazy busy-ness, priorities get a bit muddled.

Yesterday as we were traveling from Huntsville to Orlando for the Capital One bowl (Christmas present for dh and ds), I was thinking through my goals for this year. I wrote them down and even put them on the desktop of my computer. I hope that having them there in front of me will help me be mindful of them even after the excitement of the New Year has worn off.

I have 4 goals in different areas, family and spiritual, business, personal, and household. But the first and most important goal is the one I want to talk about here. It says: "Daily time of prayer for each child and grandchild."

"A Mother's Love" by Ron DiCianni

I've always prayed for my children. When they were little (and not so little) we would have a "snuggle prayer" every night together where I would hold each child close as I prayed for him or her. I usually woke them up with a prayer, too. My youngest is now 13, and I still pray with him before bed many nights. But this goal is different. As my children are growing up, I am more and more aware of the vital importance of concentrated prayer for each one. I have four kids, ranging in age from 23 to 13, and each one has specific areas where I hope to see God work this year.

Praying for my children individually on a daily basis accomplishes several things. First, it helps me focus on each child's areas of weakness. As I pray, I believe the Lord gives me insights as a mother so I can better help each child (or young adult). It also forces me to objectively evaluate where each child is. I may see areas where I need to respond differently.  Finally, it unleashes the power of Heaven in my children's lives. The Bible is very clear about the power of fervent prayer. I long to see God at work in each one of their lives this year!

This year I will become a grandmother for the first time. I'm already praying for the precious little boy that my oldest daughter is carrying. Everybody says that being a grandmother is the most rewarding thing imaginable, and I can't wait to find out! But I know it already feels amazing to pray for him as I pray for his mama and daddy.

So I want to put first things first this year! Feel free to ask me how I'm doing with that when you see me! A little accountability isn't a bad thing at all.

Christmas with the In-laws (or outlaws....)

Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. I am blessed to have a great relationship with my in-laws, but having a lot of extended family at Christmas can be just a bit stressful. It can be especially difficult if you're breastfeeding and your mother-in-law thinks you should "just give that baby a bottle..."

Over the last few years, I've had more than one new mother crying in my office because of holiday stress compounded by in-laws who don't respect her parenting style. If this sounds like you, then get your hubby and sit down together for 3 minutes while you read and discuss the following tips for dealing with Christmas with the extended family.

1. Boundaries are critically important. And Dad is the best one to set them, especially if his family is the one who's giving you a hard time. You don't want to hurt feelings, but it's very important to explain in unconditional terms that you are breastfeeding your baby. Any comments or behaviors that undermine this relationship will not be tolerated.
2. Stress can cause problems with letdown, plugged ducts, and lead to a reduced supply. Therefore, do all you can to reduce stress during the holiday season.
3. If you are a guest in someone's home, and they aren't comfortable with your breastfeeding, try as much as possible to plan your baby's feeds around mealtime and other important family moments. Maybe you can feed baby a little early before he gets very hungry. If not, then Dad needs to run interference while you slip off to nurse.
4. If you're in your own home and your guests aren't comfortable with your breastfeeding, you have a couple of choices. You can either nurse discreetly with a cover, or Dad can play host while you excuse yourself to feed your baby. You need to do whichever is more comfortable for you. Remember Tip #1!
5. If your mother or mother-in-law is causing your hurt, she might benefit from reading the blog Grandma Time. If she has specific questions or concerns about breastfeeding, this article might be helpful.
6. Remember that YOU are the expert on your baby, not your mother-in-law or even your mother...even if she is a pediatric nurse! Follow your gut and kindly but firmly stick to your guns.

If you have tips that have worked for you, please leave a comment....your tips will help another mom! We wish you a very Merry Christmas full of Nurturing Moments with your family!

Grandma Time

Since our move to our new location, our Grandma traffic has increased. I think it's because of our proximity to Victoria's Cafe, a perennial favorite with ladies of all ages in Huntsville! At any rate, I love it when ladies about my age come in and eagerly search for the perfect gift item. It's really fun to see their excitement about their grandbabies.

I love to engage them in conversation and hear all about the pregnant daughter or daughter-in-law, or the new baby who has just joined the family. Those who are grandmothers-to-be for the very first time joyfully anticipate stepping into this new season of life. They can't wait to be part of that baby's life.

And unfortunately, therein lies the problem for some new moms. Every mother wants the chance to parent her baby the way she feels is best. There is a lot of  information available today that wasn't available 20 or 30 years ago. What your mother or mother-in-law did may not be exactly what you want to do. Perhaps your mother-in-law didn't breastfeed and can't imagine why you want to. Every time your baby cries, she assumes he's hungry and urges you to give him formula. Or maybe your mother thinks you are spoiling your baby by wearing her and picking her up when she cries.

It is extremely challenging for a new mother to get conflicting advice on every side. While you don't want to alienate your mother or mother-in-law, you do want to help her understand your need to parent your way and, if necessary, learn from your own mistakes just like she did. There are several things you can do to reassure her that you want her to be part of your baby's life while simultaneously letting her know you need your space.

• If you're breastfeeding, give her a copy of an article written just for grandmothers about nursing
• If you are focused on having an attached relationship with your infant, and the grandmothers don't understand, Dr. Jim Sears has some helpful words
• Sometimes giving her something meaningful to do can help. Ask your parents or in-laws to focus on the legacy they leave as grandparents by encouraging them to chronicle their lives for your children in a special journal
• Write a letter affirming her and letting her know specifically how she can help you as a new mother
• Feel free to send (or bring) her to ANM where we'll gently affirm what a great job you're doing as a mom, and help Grandma relax a little bit.

Whether you're a mom or a grandma, remember that kind, encouraging words are wonderful building blocks for life-long relationships. Be sure to use plenty of them as you interact with the most important people in your life!