Late Night Advice for Tired New Mommies

My kids are all in their teens and twenties...and I still have some late nights with them. But I remember well the days when I was up in the middle of the night....the days when the baby sleeping next to me wanted to nurse all night long....the days when morning came way too fast and I was just exhausted. So the other night I asked our ANM moms what advice they would give to a tired new mommie at 11:00 at night. We got some terrific responses that should help any new mama struggling with sleep deprivation!

Sleep When You Can

Snatching sleep anywhere you can was a common theme.  K. suggested, "If they are nursing, try to nurse while laying down. I would cat nap while my daughter nursed once I found out she would nurse while we both lay on our sides. Those micronaps saved me!"

R. said, "Take a deep breath - this too shall pass.  Oh, and forget the housework - SLEEP!"  

B. added, "Sleep every time baby sleeps - the laundry can wait!"

M. offered this advice: " Do whatever it takes to get some sleep. Whether that's putting baby in bed with you, in a separate sleep space, or asking dad to tend to baby until baby's ready to eat again. Whatever works. Take a nap tomorrow, too, at least one. Don't worry about the dishes or the laundry or sweeping the floor; it will all still be there when you aren't feeling so tired.

A. said, "Nap when your baby naps, eat when your baby eats (if you can), breathe, get something to drink and think of something relaxing or watch TV." 

S. offered this very practical suggestion:  "Cosleep and read The No Cry Sleep Solution. It helped me to understand sleep better in general...and to be more realistic. Pantley explains it so well!"

L. proferred these words of encouragement:" At some point, they do start sleeping through the night!"  

Use Your Support Network

Several moms pointed out the importance of taking advantage of any help you can get.  E. said, "It's okay to ask for help from a family member or friend!" 

T. added, "This is not forever. you can handle this. Maybe through tears and most likely with some much-appreciated help, but you can handle this. Make sure you've had some food and lots of water, and crawl in bed the moment you can."   

A. had this to say, "If you can, take a mini-break for yourself once a dy. It could be as simple as going to buy a coke BY YOURSELF with no noise and no one to take care of. It could just be taking a bath or shower. Little breaks help you stay sane. And everyone has days where they put baby in Dad's arms and say 'I can't do it any more right now.' Take a break and you can do it again. My first was colicky...sometimes you have to put them down in their bed and walk away for a minute. The best thing to do is surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. It's a hard job, but it's the best job and only you can do it as well as you can, because YOU are MOM!" 

Create a No-Guilt. No-Stress Zone

One of our mantras at A Nurturing Moment is "We don't do guilt!"  S. had this to say: "It's okay if you are frustrated or angry...don't feel guilty -- it doesn't make you a bad mommy or mean you love your baby any less. You will feel better after you get a little bit of rest!"  

Image from womenshealth.gov.

H. offered this advice: "If you or baby can't sleep (particularly if baby is nursing at short intervals all night long), make yourself a little "nest" someplace like the recliner; get comfy, play your favorite movies/tv shows (or load your Kindle with a great book), and hang in there.  Sleep will happen before too long. In the meantime, try not to stress, and know that this too shall pass. Any you'l probably look back and freak out that it's passed so quickly!" 

G. added, "It's really hard to enjoy something when you can barely function. It is worth enjoying; it IS exhausting, and whatever you are feeling is real. If baby is screaming, put her down in a safe place, go pee, get a drink of water, maybe a bite of chocolate, and relax. The go back and be a mommy again." 

E. offered this encouragement: "Trust yourself. You're doing great!"

Treasure These Moments 

Many of our moms talked about how quickly time passes and suggested looking for the good in this situation.  

C. said, "Enjoy the snuggle time and soak it all up because they grow up way too fast." 

G. added,"Time flies by...blink and they grow. You won't be nursing them at 11:00 pm for very long." 

P. suggested a wonderful post from her blog, Adaptive Mom and said, "Enjoy every moment. You will miss these moments someday."  

Darius Rucker with his 4 year old son, Jack

R. had this to say: "Enjoy it!!! It will be over soon and will never happen again; she will be on to a new chapter in her life and will laugh about it one day!"  

B. said, "It won't be like this for long!"  and K. added, "It gets way more fun!"

M. concluded with these words of wisdom: "I would tell her to take advantage of the quiet and alone time with just you and baby when those late night sessions come around. I loved when it was just me and baby up while everyone else was sleeping...it was our alone time to just snuggle. No getting water for the other kids, no expectations from anyone else. Just us. Make the most of it."  

Really?

by Erin Atkins, guest blogger

Image from Shutterstock.com

My daughter is eleven months old and doesn't sleep at night.  Well, she doesn't sleep in one long stretch anyway.  We still probably get about ten hours of sleep, but it’s usually not for more than about two hours in a row.  And I say “we” because baby E sleeps with me since it’s the only way I can manage shut-eye with her frequent stirrings.  I've mastered the art of side-lying nursing, so when she awakens throughout the night, I immediately offer my secret weapon.  I like to refer to this process as my snooze button.

Up until about a month or two ago, I was embarrassed, annoyed, and frustrated by the whole situation.  My husband and I have spent months trying to figure out ways to get her to stay asleep.  We tried various techniques and sleeping arrangements.  We tried decreasing her stimulation throughout the day.  We tried wearing her.  We tried wearing her out.  We encouraged more naps, fewer naps, earlier naps, later naps.  I read several books on nighttime parenting and tried to play with every different variable to coax her to a long night of slumber.  We've done the noise machines, music, silence, darkness, night lights, pacifiers, blankets, “lovies,”… the list is seemingly endless.  I finally came to the conclusion: this is just how she is.

Getting eight hours of consecutive sleep is not the line at which I draw my parenting limit.

With this final revelation has come confidence and empowerment.  I have spent many sleepless nights pleading with God that I get a good night’s sleep, but over time, I am starting to understand that God has chosen me out of all the moms in the world to be this non-sleeper’s parent, and it’s a role I should take seriously and gracefully.

Photo from Motherhoodthetruth.com

As a result of this new-found revelation, I have altered my approach with other moms who inquire into the sleeping habits of my child.  I was recently asked by a well-meaning mom, “So, is she sleeping through the night?”  Now, for those of us with kids who don’t sleep ten hours in a stretch, it conjures up feelings of inadequacy and shame, as if I have failed as a parent.  And normally when someone asks me this question, I find myself making all sorts of excuses: “Well… she’s a high-needs baby;” “Well… I didn't sleep through the night until I was a five, so she was destined to be a non-sleeper;” “Well… she’s teething.”  I then usually get into how it’s not so bad because she sleeps next to me, and I can nurse her to sleep blah blah blah.  Regardless of my explanation, it’s almost invariably met with the same response, “Oh wow.  I could never do that.”

Most of the time, I would let the conversation end there or move on to a different topic, but this last time, I had a sudden revelation about parenting.  This time, when this particular mother informed me she could never get up more than once a night with her little one, I simply asked, “Really?” 

Photo from Neuroanthropolgy.net

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Heck, I would LOVE three hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I don’t exactly look forward to being woken up multiple times a night by my active baby girl, and there’s certainly a big part of me that wishes, hopes, dreams of one day getting a full night’s sleep.  But is waking up throughout the night something I’m unwilling to do for my daughter?  Absolutely not.

It was at this moment that I thought, there is nothing I wouldn't do to meet my daughter’s needs, and instead of being embarrassed or worried about admitting my child doesn't sleep through the night, I should be honored that God knew I could handle it.  Getting eight hours of consecutive sleep is not the line at which I draw my parenting limit.  I am baby E’s mom 24 hours a day, so if she needs me at night, so be it.  It’s my job, and I love her.

Erin Atkins is a stay at home attorney who is enjoying time with her first baby. She is blessed to be able to work from home, and loves watching baby E develop, going on play dates, and traveling with her family.

Silent Night -- Yes, It IS Possible!

If you have a new baby in your house this Christmas, you might be fervently praying for just one silent night! The early days of parenting can be absolutely exhausting, especially if you're not getting the sleep you need at night.

Picture from vsonlinediary.blogspot.com

It seems that newborn babies often come programmed to sleep all day and nurse all night. You need to reprogram your baby ASAP! That's not such a hard task really; you just have to teach baby that daytime is for being awake and eating, and nighttime is for sleeping.

Reprogramming Baby 101

Follow these simple steps to help your baby overcome day-night confusion.

1. During the day be sure to nurse your newborn at least every 2 -3 hours, counting from the beginning of one feed to the beginning of the next one.
2. About 2 hours after the last feed began, begin watching baby for signs of REM sleep. When you see him sucking in his sleep and moving a little bit, pick him up to awaken him. If you don't catch him, he may go back into a deep sleep, and you won't be able to awaken him at all.
3. Unswaddle baby and take off her clothes. Change his diaper to really get him awake.
4. Make sure that when baby is at the breast she is actively nursing. Use breast compression to keep her suckling when she stops for more than about 15 seconds.
5. In the evening if baby wants to nurse several times close together (cluster feeding), let him. He will get more hindmilk which is rich in long-chain fatty acids when he cluster feeds. One of those fatty acids is tryptophan which will help baby sleep longer and better at night.
6. As soon as you put baby down for her long sleep stretch, you go to bed, too! In the early days you need as much sleep as you can get!

Back to Normal

Okay, I guess it's time to tell you the truth...Things will NEVER be like they were before. You now have a new normal. But there will come a time when you are able to get a good night's sleep once again. Your child will learn to sleep. Whether you co-sleep or have baby in a separate but proximate sleep environment as the AAP recommends, the ideal place for your newborn is in your bedroom. You will both get more sleep if baby is nearby. You will find that if baby doesn't wake up completely in the middle of the night frustrated because nobody is there, he will settle down and nurse much more readily and go back to sleep more easily.

So relax, reprogram, and enjoy a silent night this Christmas!

Sweet Baby Snuggles

From Neuroanthropology.net

 I recently asked mothers what was their favorite time of day and why. I wasn't surprised at all to see the responses of moms who said the time they most love is when baby is snuggled in bed with them. What's not to love about a milk-drunk baby nestled securely in your arms in the comfort of your bed? Combine that with the relaxing effect of breastfeeding hormones, and you've got a delightfully peaceful scene.
Throughout the history of the world, mothers have known that the safest place for a baby to sleep is snuggled next to them. However, with the invention of pillow top mattresses and lots of fluffy bedding, suddenly it isn't so safe any more. In fact the American Academy of Pediatrics says the safest place for an infant to sleep is in a separate but proximate sleep environment. So are moms who snuggle with baby in bed actually putting baby at risk?

The answer is complicated. Noted pediatrician Dr. William Sears has some very interesting observations about the matter. Dr. James McKenna heads the Notre Dame Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory. As a biological anthropologist, he has devoted years of research to the effects of co-sleeping on mother and baby. It's no coincidence that so many mothers say their favorite time of day with baby is when they're snuggling in bed. There are numerous health advantages to the infant from sleeping close to its mother. However, parents benefit as well.

So am I recommending that all parents bring baby to bed with them? Absolutely not!! Dr. McKenna has some important safe co-sleeping guidelines that parents need to read if they're contemplating having baby in the same bed. Many mothers really don't feel comfortable having baby sleep all night in the same bed; those mothers can benefit tremendously from the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper which allows baby to sleep right next to mother without being in the same bed.

Regardless of how you choose to sleep, remember that those sweet baby snuggles are priceless, and pretty soon your baby will be a toddler who is way too busy for long snuggles!