Thursday, October 13, 2016

An Open Letter to Sex-Deprived Dads from Sex-Deprived Moms

Image from Prevailing Life with Greg Faulls.
by A Very Wise Mama

Recently one of our ANM mamas posted this in a closed group. It is critically important to keep the husband-wife relationship strong, and I'm so glad she gave me permission to post it here anonymously.

Open letter to the sex deprived dads from sex deprived moms

1. Yes we want to have sex, but sometimes not as much as we want sleep or eat or not be touched.

2. That doesn't mean stop trying, because we still need to know we are wanted.

3. We might not be comfortable in our mom body, so genuinely tell us you still find us attractive but be patient and understanding.

4. Those core muscles used for rolling around in bed, yeah.. They are gone. Pregnancy takes a toll on our body.

5. We're seriously physically exhausted. Even more so if we are breastfeeding. You might just need to be okay with doing most or all of the work.

6. Women need to be in the mood mentally. So if we are stressed out, overwhelmed, or had a really hard day - help us get our minds right before you try. Talking helps. Sometimes silence. Sometimes its a cuddle. Sometimes its space. Ask us what we need, don't assume our need.

7. We can go from in the mood to not at all when we don't feel valued. It's as fast as a passive aggressive comment. Such as "So I guess I'll make dinner." 

8. We don't want to have sex if we feel gross. Make time for us to take a shower and brush our teeth.

9. Come to bed. Seriously, you aren't getting laid if you are sitting in your chair watching a movie.

10. No means no. Drop it and try again tomorrow.

11. We don't want to have sex if we feel like a crappy mom. So make sure to remind us that we aren't one.

12. "Me time" to unwind does nothing for us if you or the kids are screaming or wont leave us alone.

13. The bed is not the only place to have sex, so stop blaming the baby.

14. Hey, we don't both have to orgasms and chances are you have more opportunities to masturbate than we do. If baby wakes up, you can go finish yourself while we have to breastfeed. That's not fair and you know it.

15. We may have random pains from time to time, so if we tell you something hurts, don't say "Well it didn't last time."

Photo from
16. Our bodies aren't the same as before; more than our weight changed. What worked before baby might not work now. Let's figure out those changes together, instead of stubbornly hitting the same tricks and being pissy when the results are different or even painful. 

17. Just because I'm trying to make out with you doesn't mean I'm trying to have sex with you. I know it's not the right time, and I just need some passionate kissing. Please don't shut me down!

18. Finally, this is NOT the longest you have gone without sex...Ater all, you survived high school! 
Anyone got something to add? Please leave your additional suggestions in the comments. Then feel free to say the things that your husband needs to hear. In fact, why not just hand him the phone so he can read it for himself!

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